Saturday, December 13, 2014

Top Ten Christmas Movies

Yes, I realize my last posts were about lists. But after my son's first birthday party all I wanted to to do was watch comfort movies and not talk to people anymore. So this time, I decided to properly rank my favorite Christmas movies. So that I wouldn't forget any movie, I looked up the top 50 lists of Christmas movies on Bing and Google.

Die Hard? Really? Just because a movie takes place during Christmas, does not make it a Christmas movie. If you need Die Hard on your list, make it a Christmas Action movie list.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BplBW1qNM4w

So here's my top ten Christmas movies of all time, in order. Keep in mind, these are just MY favorites. They might not be the best movies, or the best of all time.

10.Home Alone
9. Frosty the Snowman
8. The Santa Clause
7. A Christmas Story
6. White Christmas
5.Miracle on 34th Street (the 1947 version)
4. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
3.It's a Wonderful Life
2. How The Grinch Stole Christmas!
1. Christmas Vacation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99alX5JFD3s

I can quote every single one of these movies from 10-1.

"Say goodnight Kevin. Goodnight Kevin."
"When Santa squeezes his fat, white, ass down the chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes, this side of the nuthouse."

I won't speak to Katie or Isaiah's favorites. But I'm pretty sure Kate likes the same movies I like, and Isaiah likes whichever has the most music.

My mom likes #4, and my sister likes #3 the best. My Dad likes #7. I bet Isaiah likes Frosty or Rudolph, but he can't tell us yet. Until then we'll just have to guess, and he'll have to watch whatever we want. Until then, thanks for reading, and have a good night.

JJ




Monday, December 8, 2014

Western Movies Part II

After my last post, my wife suggested I write next about what makes a good western, and why I like to make lists. Both are great suggestions. The former is easy, that latter makes me feel uncomfortable. I'll explain.

What factors make a western movie good? It's a very simple formula.

First, lots of guns. In any good western everyone is packing heat. Whether or not they ever fire their weapon is irrelevant. Carry a gun, be ready for a brawl at any time. (Sometimes, even preachers are carrying a gun.)

Explosions. In this instance, the protagonist and antagonist don't really matter. Just blow some shit up. It might be a train car of coal. Maybe it's a barrel of oil. Maybe it's a gas can. It doesn't matter. Just shoot it, and make it blow up. Even if it's just a bomb or grenade, it's makes every western movie better.

Every western needs a great hero and villain. Batman needed the Joker. Doctor Who needs The Master. Sherlock needed (or needs, depending on the version) Moriarty. I realize none of those are westerns, but the rule still applies. You can't be a soldier if there is no enemy. So you have to make them brilliant. It's called point/counterpoint.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfvKvTlQHuw

Lastly, there has to be a pretty girl/woman. In some of the best westerns the woman is dead and the hero is going for revenge. Sometimes the girl is kidnapped. Sometimes she is at home hoping her cowboy comes home safely. It doesn't matter. Most often, our hero is fighting for something, and it's usually a girl.

Oh, and the good guy should win. That's not a rule, just a suggestion.

Looking at my list, I have to give an honorable mention to Django Unchained, and Open Range. Neither made my list, but they were both damned close.

Regarding why I like to make lists about nonsense; I'm not sure.

Thinking like an FBI profiler, I can guess.

I like the feeling it gives me to be able to complete something. In real life, I don't always finish. (That's not a sex thing.)

John Cusack made lists in High Fidelity. I love that movie.

Making lists creates order, when sometimes the world is chaotic.

A person that makes these types of lists is insecure about his future or his current status.

Making lists about the abstract allows a person to ignore or brush aside reality.

I should have been  an FBI profiler. I'm very clever It takes a certain level of crazy to be able to profile yourself. I might have done a good job, but how would I know? When you're dreaming, you can't always tell you're dreaming. FML.

But not really. I think I like making absurd lists because it's fun.I'll never have to wonder which books I'd take to a desert island. I'm confident about which concert I'd go to in all of history (if I had a TARDIS). And, I can even imagine my life if i were to start over at age 5. It's fun, it's innocent, and it's honest. Good for you if you can also do it.

Thanks, again, for reading my sometimes incoherent ramblings.

-JJS








Sunday, December 7, 2014

My Favorite Western Movies

I have strong opinions about Michael Brown and Eric Garner. But, as a creative writer, I don't want to write about it anymore.So, with respect, and probably lacking sensitivity, I'd rather blog about my favorite western movies. I only care about two people getting pissed at me.One is my wife, the other is my one-year-old son. If you have a problem with me, take it up with them.

Netflix recently added a movie I love. I have been dying to get Kate to watch it. She hasn't yet, so I put it on to watch by myself. I dare you to guess which movie it is. So, this is a list of my favorite ten western movies. I'm not saying they're the best, just that they are my favorites.

Also, I have a capgun that my wife hates that I play with. I pull it out when watching my favorite action shows. My toy only comes out after she's asleep. (And my son has to be asleep, too. He has to figure out how much fun a toy gun can be on his own.)

In no particular order-

-The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
-The Quick and the Dead
-Unforgiven
-The Magnifecent Seven
-Tombstone
-The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
-Back to the Future III
-Wyatt Earp
-The Outlaw Josey Wales
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

I dare anyone to guess my favorite of these ten movies, and which of them I am currently watching. I bet even my wife can't guess my favorite. Have fun.


Monday, November 24, 2014

Ferguson

Here are some great ideas. Seriously, they're great.

First, let's group all black people together.  That way, we can grow together as a community. Don't forget about my son, he's only a quarter black.

Next, we need a cause. It doesn't matter what the cause is, because we're a community. Let's just pick one. Ok, I'll pick. Snow sucks. It should never snow again in Chicago. That's my new cause. It doesn't matter if it's a rational cause. It's mine. I chose it.

Oh, crap. It's snowing. 

Now that we have a cause and it's snowing anyway, I think we should get angry. We should vent on social media now. I express my anger on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and via text message. You should do the same, community.

Our complaints have not been responded to in the last ten minutes. How dare they?

Since we've been ignored, I say we fight. We can start by cursing out people that have nothing to do with our issue. Next, I suggest we punch walls and kick things that, also, have nothing to do with anything. After that, I say we go outside. We can shoot guns into the sky. Or we can flip a car over. Or light something on fire. All of these things sound productive to me.

Oops. I got arrested for doing all of that. I don't know why the police have to pick on me, a half black man. I was just expressing my displeasure.

I honestly don't understand people that react to injustice by acting the fool. I don't know what happened with Darren Wilson and Michael Brown. I wasn't there. It was probably stupid behavior by both parties. But that's not the point. 

What does anyone gain from acts of violence? At best, the whole world pays more attention to Ferguson, MO. At worst, more people get hurt or possibly killed. The nation is watching. Racial tensions increase. An overly zealous cop shoots someone. An overly zealous protester shoots someone. All bad.

I get it. People are pissed off. Hell, i'm pissed off, if only because I thought this case merited a trial. But I'm not a grand jury, I don't get to make that decision. Shooting a pistol into the sky doesn't change that decision, nor does it give me the Klingon Rite of Vengeance. We are lucky enough to live in a country that (except for Obama) abides by it's rules. Just because we do not agree with a rule, or decision, does not mean we have a right to break other rules, or cause another person to be in danger.

Protest. March. Picket. Do your thing. But don't endanger lives. Especially, my son's. Do that, and I come after you with my sand wedge and a hammer. I'm a badass with them, except for hammering things, and golf. Be responsible.

-J

Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Women of NCIS - Superlatives

Ok, before I hand out my superlatives, I think I should explain what they are. I stole this particular award from @JimmyFallon and #TheTonightShow. Superlative is an adjective that means, basically, to the highest degree. It's like a yearbook's "Most likely to..." Jimmy hands them out every week on The Tonight Show, as a joke, based on a photo, mostly of athletes and whichever picture they have representing them in their profiles. NCIS is my favorite show, of the 50-something. So, try and enjoy my NCIS chat.

I'm going to make these very much about me, and I doubt I'll do the superlatives jokes justice. But so what? You don't have to read it, and I'm not getting paid anyway.

My idea for superlatives, is the women currently on #NCIS programs. I chose it because all of them are badasses, and I think they're all hot. (Except for Hetty, she and I are a little out of our age ranges. Maybe.")

Keep in mind, this is only current NCIS actresses. (Because Ziva will always be the best.)

Abby Sciuto/ Pauley Perette - Most likely to kick my ass while I enjoy it.
I had a conversation with my old roommate when I started watching NCIS about whether Pauley was hot or not. I won.


Emily Wickersham/ Ellie Bishop - Most likely to have me curse out CBS when she leaves, or the show gets cancelled.
Smart like McGee, smart like Tony, smart like Gibbs, but not as brilliant as any of them. She's the next Jennifer Shepard (Director).


Meredith Brody/ Zoe McClellan - Most Likely to receive multiple marriage proposals from me.
JAG, NCIS, NCIS: New Orleans, Sliders, Star Trek: Voyager, Nowhere Man... I have probably already proposed a few times.


C.C.H Pounder/ Dr. Loretta Wade - Most likely to call "bullshit" anytime I opened my mouth. She'd be one thousand percent correct. And I'd shut my mouth, like, quick.


Linda Hunt/ Hetty - Most likely to tell me not to where a cape, and then tear it off, and put me in a black site, CIA, hole when I refused.
Yes, that's an NCIS:LA and Incredibles crossover. I love crossovers.

Kensi Blye/ Daniela Ruah - Most likely to give me a smart-ass comment, punch in the nuts, gun in your face, or all three.
Like, Deeks, I'd be afraid. But I'd love her forever.



Renee Felice Smith - Most likely to marry me because we have the same last name and traits.
Smart, gorgeous, can handle a gun, and a Smith. God says yes.

NCIS is my favorite television franchise, and it's earned it. If you disagree with my opinions, email me. I'd love to discuss it In the meantime, I'll just assume I'm right.

Thanks for reading. I have a long night of my idiot neighbor waking up my kid, and my dog, so I have to get to it. Seeya later.

J




Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Force Awakens

I guess Star Wars is kind of a big deal to me. When I was four or five, I lied to our babysitter. I told her, "Of course I'm allowed to watch it. I've seen it lots of times." In fact, I was not allowed to watch it. A smart kid wouldn't have mentioned it to his parents. I was smart, but I was/is also a fanboy. I liked it so much that the moment my parents walked through the door, I started blabbing about how amazing it was and how much I wanted to watch The Empire Strikes Back. Thankfully, I didn't get in trouble. (Probably, because my Dad was/is also a fanboy.)

When The Phantom Menace trailer came out I saw two movies, just to see it. The Waterboy was crap, but tolerable. Wing Commander is one of the worst movies of all time (I have a list). But I still went. Because I needed more Star Wars.

In 1999, when The Phantom Menace was released, I camped outside the theatre for about 36 hours. We didn't bother with tents, but we did have a TV and DVD player playing Episodes 4 through 6 the entire time.Even with all of the other lunatics there, I was the first person through the door, and the first in a seat. (A quick thanks to those friends that brought us food.) Oh, and then I saw it three more times.

My son's middle name is Jedi. No joke.

So yes, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, is a big deal to me.

Last week the official title was revealed. The Force Awakens. The title doesn't give away much, but it does suggest we'll get to see a new order of Jedi. In the post 'Return of the Jedi' novels Han Solo and Leia have kids that are strong in the force. I hope that's what this next trilogy is about.

But the more interesting rumors are about Luke and Han for the next movie.

Harrison Ford has for a long time said that he wants Han Solo to get killed off. I don't much like it, but I guess if the actor doesn't want to do it anymore, better to kill his character than have him half-ass it and ruin a potentially great movie. I hope if he does die, he goes off as a hero. Maybe like when he took the Millennium Falcon to the Death Star to help Luke. Only this time, he saves the day, but dies a martyr. Or maybe he could take a bullet for Chewie and die. That would also be a grand exit.

The other rumor I've read and heard, is that Luke Skywalker goes insane.I don't know how to feel about that. We've seen evil Jedi/Sith, and we've seen deluded. A completely mad Jedi would be a whole new and fun thing. Is he mad like killing people? Is he mad like a vigilante gone wrong? Is he mad like go find a Dagobah-like swamp and become a hermit? I don't know, but that could be a very interesting twist in the story.

I'm excited. Disney and Lucasfilm are being very tight lipped. But I can count on a few things. Jar Jar Binks is long dead. So, no Jar Jar. Hayden Christensen won't be whining about Obi Wan picking on him. Luke will not be a pussy. "But I was going into the Tosche station to pick up some power converters." Lastly, we will NOT see Ewoks kick stormtroopers' asses with literally, sticks and stones.

I don't think I'll be able to camp out this time, with a one-year-old, but who wants to go see it with me?

May the Force Be With You
-JJ

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Being a Man

Do you know what a pain in the ass it to be a man? 

Being a man means you put your feelings aside. Being a man means taking care of the most important things in your life. Being a man means you're not even on a list of important things. Hell, my dog is more important than my life, and she's not even human. I struggle with this. I'm selfish. I like to think I'm the center of the universe, and sometimes I act like it. But I'm not, and no form of self delusion could convince me otherwise.

I'm a great dad. And I'm a great #stayathomedad. But there are days when I'd trade my son for a bucket of baseballs and a six pack of beer.You know those days. He won't stop crying. He wiped shit everywhere.He hid something you want/need in a hard to reach place. But I also realize it's not his fault. He's a child. And he's my child. I love him. I would do anything for him (especially if it makes him stop crying). Putting up with a child's nonsense, makes you a man.

My wife is the most gorgeous, intelligent, motivated woman I have ever known. Sometimes, though, she can be can be batshit crazy.It's usually my fault. Even when it isn't, I think about everything she does for me, and will do for me. How do you acknowledge someone crazy that puts up with your crazy? As my wife will attest, I haven't figured it out yet. In the mean time, I thank her, tell her I love her, and try to be less crazy (like that's going to happen). And that, I think, makes you a man.

My idiot dog begs to go outside, and then just sits on the porch barking at nothing. She demands attention, and then wants nothing to do with anyone. She wants her food, but doesn't want to eat it. She and my son are best friends, but they oftentimes want nothing to do with each other. Figuring out this garbage, makes you a man.

It can be tough. Sometimes, seemingly impossible.But learning is part of the process, and it makes me a man.


Saturday, October 11, 2014

My Top Tens

I'm going to keep this post short, so I can get back to the television before #SNL starts. Kate and I were talking about my top ten shows ever vs. my top ten current shows. Keep in mind, these are lists of my top tens, not the best top tens. And they are in no particular order. I reserve the right to change this list at any time.

Top 10 Shows Ever
The Cosby Show
Cheers
Doctor Who
Star Trek The Next Generation
NCIS
Smallville
Lost
Bones
The Wonder Years
JAG

Top 10 Current Shows
Doctor Who
Justified
NCIS
Bones
The Good Wife
Brooklyn 99
House of Cards
The Walking Dead
Game of Thrones
Law & Order: SVU

So what do you think?

Saturday, October 4, 2014

7 Days as a Stay at Home Dad

"So what do you do all day?"

This is the hardest question a parent that stays at home with their kid(s) will ever have to answer.

The easiest answer is, "I take care of the kid all day, every day," but that doesn't answer the question for those that have never done it. After I get up too early, we hang out, then I feed him, then we play, then I change him, then I clean up after him, then I put him down for a nap and pray I can nap too, then we play some more, eat some more, play some more... Repeat. Hopefully, everything he and the house isn't a total wreck before Wife gets home. It sounds simple, unless you've done it.

Sunday
On Sundays we watch #NFL football. All I have to think about is getting up for #mass and going home before the #Bears start. Unfortunately, our church is close to #SoldierField, so when the #Bears are at home, it's easier to roll over, watch the game, and not go to Church.

Monday
Beer is my fourth best friend. After a long weekend, I am sometimes a little tired. Even when we don't have other things to do, Isaiah ends up pretty tired as well. I guess, non-stop attention from Mama and Papa, can be exhausting for an infant.

Tuesday
Tuesdays suck. Kate always has late meetings, some of which go until 7pm. The baby might have been fussy for 12 hours at this point. That makes for a long, fracking day for both of us.

Wednesday
This is our easy day. He's happy. I'm happy. Just over eight hours have passed, and Mama will be home shortly. If she's not, she'll let us know.

Thursday
Thursday baby is pretty easy, but this is the day where I have to decide how much cleaning I am willing to do in a day. Tomorrow is garbage day. At the minimum I have the garbage, the recycling, and the diaper garbage. If I haven't been diligent about taking out the garbage all week, I have at least 5 bags to take out today. (I forgot to take out the bedroom, the bathroom, and the living room, this week. That's two bags.)

Friday
Friday is only bad if I didn't clean and prep on Thursday for Kate coming home. God help me, if Kate came home, after a rough week, and she came home to a bachelor pad. The best part of every week for a stay-at-home-parent is Friday, when your spouse is on their way home and you can chill for a few minutes, and know that you took care of every thing you possibly could have.

Saturday
Saturday is the Hebrew day of rest. Thankfully, this is also the day that Mrs. Smith loves to spend with her son. I don't have to do anything but sleep, and watch college football. #GoBlue.

This is, by no means, how I spend days. It's not even a very good representation of my mindset. It is, at the very least, a snip-it, of my week.

I'm very happy to spend my days with my baby boy. He's far more brilliant than I, and probably my wife. He's possibly the most gorgeous and intelligent little child ever. I wouldn't say that on an online platform, if other people hadn't said that about him already. That includes their own less intelligent, and attractive children. But no pressure, #MiHijo.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Premiere Week Part III - Bones, Person Of Interest, Chicago Fire, Selfie, Utopia

Before I get into reviewing the shows I have the most thoughts and feels about from this week, I have a few interesting factoids to share.

1. My wife is already so sick of television, because of me, that she doesn't even want to watch the shows she likes.

2. I usually check my journal before writing a blog post about television. That was totally useless. All of my thoughts ended up on twitter, @JasonJoelSmith FYI. Going back through my Twitter posts was also useless. If you follow me you understand. Most of my tweets are minutiae.

3. Out of the 49 shows I plan to watch, or give a try, most of them were not memorable.

Utopia
Usually, I hate every reality show that doesn't involve cooking, singing, or at least some kind of talent. (America's Got Talent is garbage. It's not even proper grammar for a show title. It should be America Has Talent.) But, I'm a little bit addicted to Utopia. Every person in Utopia so some dumb, I can't wait for winter. I think they might all die of exposure. Except for Red. He's fine by himself.

Selfie
Apparently, the premiere was this week. Thanks, Hulu, for letting me watch the pilot on some sort of sneak preview. I feel, (feel statements), like I should automatically like anything with John Cho and Karen Gillan. For crying out loud, it's a show about Sulu vs. Amy Pond. It's kind of funny, but a little bit heavy handed with the My Fair Lady homage. Karen plays Eliza Dooley. Audrey Hepburn played Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. Karen is hot, but she'll never be Hepburn hot. I expect cancellation around episode 7.

Chicago Fire
6 weeks? Really? I've never gotten over a an ex girlfriend in 6 weeks. I'm with Severide. If I'm coming back to 51, all of Chicago better be on fire. I can't believe they killed off Shay. I actually tweeted, "If Shay is really dead, I'm going to freak out."
 We knew someone was going to die, after last season's finale. My only prayer was that it wouldn't be Shay, Severide, or Casey. @DickWolf, you're an asshole.

Person of Interest
POI is my favorite premiere this week. Reese and Shaw are now detectives, a fabulous homage to Carter. Harold Finch has no interest in helping anyone. Fusco is confused. Elias is sort of a good guy. #spoilers I won't go into plot details, but this could replace NCIS as my favorite show.

Bones
If POI was my favorite premiere, Bones was a damned close second. Bones had the best finale from last year of every show. In case you didn't watch it, three special forces soldiers came to the Booth/Brennan household. Booth killed them all, and then got sent to jail for killing federal agents sent to serve a warrant. (Yea, ok. So how come their whole house was destroyed?) The entire episode was about unveiling the conspirators, and then, #spoilers Sweets got killed for getting too close. My feelings can best be explained by a quotation from my wife. "I never want to watch the show again. The other characters are all stupid."

I won't quit any show after only an ep. But the death of Shay and Sweets make me want to kick the lead writers of Chicago Fire and Bones in the nuts.

Thankfully, it's the beginning of the premiere season. Episode two of every show might be better. In the meantime, thanks for reading.


Monday, September 22, 2014

Premiere Week Part II

Kate asked me if I stopped at "H" because I didn't have a show that started with "I", "J" or "K".  Truth be told, 26 divided by 3 is 8 with 2 remaining. I was planning on breaking up my shows by letter, into three parts, but there aren't that many shows after "H". So here's the rest of the best.

J - Justified
I just started watching it on Amazon Prime. I knew in the first five minutes that it was my kind of show. Sarcasm, guns, and cowboy hats; yes please.

L - Last Man Standing
Best show on Friday night. Tim Allen is still hilarious.

M - Madam Secretary
Tea Leoni is brilliant, and still hot. But really, the show isn't all that good.

N - NCIS: New Orleans
The discussion is over. Everything Scott Bakula does is amazing.

P - Person of Interest
Possibly the best show on television. I miss Tariji Henson.

S - Scandal
Not happy. Harrison Wright deserved better.

T - The Tonight Show
The best thing Rahm Emanuel has done was to trick Jimmy Fallon into bringing it to Chicago.

U - Utopia
I hate most reality shows. I think every person on the show would die,  if left to their own skills.

W- The Walking Dead
I miss zombies. Ready for this show to come back.

I couldn't mention every show for every letter. I did my best. If anyone can think of a show for X, Y or Z, I'll take you out for a beer. Thanks for reading, talk to you later.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Premiere Week Part I

In case some how you have read my blog, and don't know that I'm about to go crazy for next week, I'm about to lose my mind for premiere season. All of my shows start next week. If you don't know what I'm excited about, you can check my previous blog posts. Plus and minus a few shows, they are mostly on my list.

In the interest of keeping my blithering to a minimum, I'm going to list my shows A through Z. Each show will get around two sentences describing my thoughts on the upcoming season. After I'm finished, I'll go back through the shows that weren't the top show for a letter, and any shows I may have forgotten. I'll point out the shows that I quit watching.

If I forget anything, feel free to let me know. I am free to ignore you, or tell you I just don't care.

A -Arrow
For once in a DC show, The Hero should go and get the smart,hot girl. Ollie and Felicity belong together.

B - Bones
Have a fun time legally explaining the carnage of serving a warrant into the house of an FBI Special Agent, and the world's leading forensic expert. Caroline is going to rip you apart in the courthouse, then Booth is going to kill you.

C - Castle
Castle probably has a tracer on him. You're in serious trouble when Beckett finds you. And then, they better issue Castle a service weapon.

D - Doctor Who
I like Capaldi, and I still like Jenna, as Doctor and Companion. For cryin' out loud, write some better episodes.

E - Elementary
If Sherlock and Joan don't get back together on a case , I'll punch you myself. Sherlock and Watson is the basis of the show. Get them back working together.

F - Flash
Yes. Yes, please.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj0l7iGKh8g

G - Gotham
Anything Batman = winner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0d1zpt6k5OI

H - Hawaii 5-O
Jorge Garcia and Chi McBride are permanent characters now. Challenge them, I dare you.

This isn't a perfect description of what I'm watching next week. But, DAMN, that's a pretty strong A-H. I'm sure I can't follow up that list with I-P. I'm also sure that my whole schedule is screwed up, because I'll be watching the Bears on Monday Night Football. I'm sure I'll live-tweet some of the game, so check me out.

@JasonJoelSmith

Sunday, September 14, 2014

A Letter to The American Giants

Dear American Giants,

First, I'd like to thank you all for a great year. In fact, it's the best year The American Giants have ever had. We worked very hard the past couple of years to put the pieces of this team together. Some of you have been around MLB for a good amount of time, some of you are relatively new. But, all of you have delivered.

Albert, and Adam deserve special recognition, As our team captains, you both have done tremendous jobs as captains. Al, I'm taking you out for a beer when the season concludes. Together we're gonna tell all the naysayers, talking about age and diminishing skills, exactly where they can put their predictions. Adam, if they don't give you a Cy Young for this season, they should shut the whole thing down.

That said, I need a little more from The American Giants. Al, hit home runs like you did at Minute Maid Park. Homers that end up in orbit. Nellie, hit like you were still on the juice. Buster, don't go 5 for 5. Go 5-5 with a couple of dingers. Charlie, I need you to hit for the cycle.

Guys, we're losing slugging percentage. This should not happen to a group of guys with this much ability. I know some of you are tired and bit dinged up. Fuck all that. Put that bat to the ball and go for extra bases. Make a single a double. Make a double a home run. But don't get thrown out being silly, because we have no margin for error.

Again, thanks. You're the best group of guys I've ever had the pleasure of managing. I haven't given up, and I don't want any of you to. So let's get to the big show, and show the ICA what we're made of.

Sincerely,

The American Giants
Jason J. Smith
Stephen Weiland

Friday, September 12, 2014

#FantasySports #ICA #FantasyBaseball #FantasyFootball

I feel like it is absolutely necessary to preface this blog post about my #fantasybaseball and #fantasyfootball activity.

Preface
1. I suck at #FantasySports. I have never won a championship in any league, in any sport I have ever played in (baseball, football, basketball).
2. I have been playing fantasy baseball with the same group of friend since high school, fifteen years ago, I've never made the playoffs.
3. I've made the playoffs intermittently in fantasy football. It's much easier, in my mind, because each team only plays once per week.
4. Every other fantasy sport, besides baseball and football, is stupid.
5. The fantasy baseball league I am in is far more complex, to the point of insanity, than any you have heard in any sport.
6. Fantasy discussion is extremely boring to those not initiated. If that's you thanks for reading this far. You may go now.

Fantasy Football (briefly)

Past the #ChicagoBears, I know/care very little about football. I know even less about fantasy football.

I'm in a "Couples' League" with my wife and some close friends. Our team name #ElCunado. You will only understand this team name if you've watched the #FX show #TheLeague. We do alright in the league, pretty much only because we watch #NFL on Sundays, and I'm never in fantasy baseball playoffs, so I never have that to distract me when the draft comes around. This year my wife didn't add me as co-manager until late, so we ended up auto drafting our entire time. She was in bed for the night. I was probably taking care of a screaming infant, or watching #FallonTonight #TheTonightShow, or dozing on the couch with reruns of #Stargate on the television. #Yahoo grade our draft as a B.

My other league is even less interesting. A friend needed a guy to join his work league and asked me. It didn't cost anything to join, and if I win, all I get is bragging rights. I actually participated in this draft even though it started on a Tuesday night at 11:30pm. That's what happens when you join a league of restaurant employees. Yahoo also gave this draft a B, though I think I did a little better than that.

Fantasy Baseball

Fantasy Baseball is really where I pay the most attention, despite it never having done me any good before this year. We hold live, yearly meetings for the Winter Meetings, the draft, and usually hang out at least a few times in-season. It started, I think, as a 6-team league, but since has evolved into a 12-team keeper league. Complete with league offices, co-managers, multiple meaningless trophies, and a #StanleyCup type trophy passed to the league champion every year, it is the most exhausting league you will ever lay eyes on. If you think I'm exaggerating, check out our comprehensive rulebook.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Skx8ad1NHp12zSF_mjXSiz7lKksQN2bbIxip_VWOij8/edit

My team is called #TheAmericanGiants, named after the most successful Chicago baseball team in history, The American Giants, from the #AmericanNegroLeague.


I've never been good, but this year I finished with the second best record in the league, made the playoffs and am now on the verge of making it to the finals with two days left in the current playoff round. Much credit goes to my good friend Stephen, who I hired as my Director of Player Personnel. He used to have a successful franchise in our group but left to concentrate on more grown up stuff. (If you ask me, #GrownUpStuff is for suckers.)

He helped a ton getting me into the playoffs, but we had a different opinions as how to handle the team once we got there. He prefers to play very conservatively. After getting an early lead, he thought we should bench the team, and ride it out to close conclusion, but a win, nonetheless. I preferred to ride the horses that got us here (yes, that was a horse racing reference), and #GoBigOrGoHome. After two days of fiddling back and forth with the roster, it looks like we were both right. I think his way, we'd have tied and won (higher seed wins the tiebreaker). And my way we'd have won by 3 or so points outright, but I've have been tempted to mess with the roster all week and possibly screwed myself. Our win, isn't set in stone yet, we still have 2 days of play left, but at least I'm looking right in the face of a championship series, something I have never done in my life.

I'll post again soon if we make the finals. In the meantime, if you're the praying type, say a prayer for the American Giants. If you also happen to be Catholic, #SaintSebastian is the patron saint of soldiers and athletes. Many call him the 'Patron Saint of Sports'. (Thanks #Google)

March on Chicago American Giants!

Saturday, September 6, 2014

How I Met Your Mother Part II

I thought I was done talking about this show #HowIMetYourMother #HIMYM. But apparently, I'm not done. The alternate ending to the show was leaked online. #CBS has yet to confirm or deny its authenticity, but it seems pretty real, and I'm going to treat it like it is real.

Before I tell you about the alternate ending, I'd like to share some of the alternate show titles that would have been more appropriate for the conclusion of the show.

How I Met Your Mother and Then She Died
How Your Mother Died
How I Met Your Mother and Chased Aunt Robin
How I Wasted Your Time
How I Asked Children Permission

Those were just a few of the ideas I had.

If this is, in fact, an alternate ending, I have to ask the question, "What were the writer/producers thinking?" This was WAY better than the aired ending. For me, a finale needs to wrap everything up. There shouldn't be a feeling of there's more to the story. It doesn't have to be happy, it doesn't have to be sad. It just has to be the end. The #HIMYM aired finale left me wondering what happened next with Ted and Robin. And that's not right.

The alternate ending, however, has no such ambiguity. After Ted leaves the wedding he meets the girl he was always destined to marry. They shared a yellow umbrella, she attended the Econ class he wasn't supposed to teach, and they went to the same club on some St. Patrick's Day.

"Funny how sometimes, you just find things."

 Tracy even met the rest of the #HIMYM group of friends before meeting Ted. Oh yea, the Mother's name is Tracy.

The point is, after almost a decade, when it's time to shut it down, it's time to shut it down. Please, just shut it down in a way that won't piss off everyone that watched the show.

Here's a link to watch the alternate ending.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jarettwieselman/how-i-met-your-mother-alternate-ending?bffbmain#2z4oft2

As always, thanks  for reading. Good night, and good luck.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Don't Call it a Comeback

Well, apparently I took the entire summer off writing. To say nothing interesting happened, would be to lie. Wifey and I took a few fantastic trips. My baby boy transformed into a human being with, personality and everything. We saw couples get married, neighbors act the fool, my Dad jumped out of a plane, and I had my first Father's Day as a Dad. It was a good summer. I am also on the verge of winning my division in fantasy baseball. So that's cool.

But my passion as a writer, is usually about television. So, my first new post in a while, fittingly, has to be about all of the television I'm excited to watch next month during premiere week.


Above is mine and Katie's Fall schedule (mostly mine). I'ts kind of a weird list for a number of reasons.

1. A bunch of shows that we (I) watch during the summer aren't on it. #RoyalPains #Suits and #UnderTheDome won't be back for a while. It was easier to just leave them off.

2. A few shows don't have air dates assigned yet by their respective networks. #BetterCallSaul on #AMC, #Glee on #Fox, #Community now on #Yahoo, #OrangeIsTheNewBlack and #HouseOfCards (both on #Netflix), aren't yet listed. Some time during January or February of 2015 is the best guess, but really, who knows.

3. There are some shows that have been out, that I just haven't watched yet. #RookieBlue and #Motive are at the top of that list.

4. #DoctorWho, episode #DeepBreath was the first premiere of the season. It deserves its own blog post. It was that bloody brilliant. I watched it with my father-in-law, at his house, which should tell you my level of anticipation.

Wrapping up, I'd like to mention the shows I am most excited about returning, or debuting. #Flash, a spinoff of #Arrow will be insanely good. #NCISNewOrleans brings #ScottBakula #StarTrekEnterprise #QuantumLeap back to our small screen, and I can't wait. I've missed #BenMcKenzie from #TheOC and I think #Gotham is going to kick major ass.Who's going to die on #ChicagoFire? I dunno, but it'll probably blow my mind. And #AndySamberg might be the funniest person on tv, on the funniest show on tv #BrooklynNineNine.

As always, thank you for reading. I'll be right back tomorrow. Or next week. Or whenever.

-J

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Girl Meets World

"It's Friday night. And the mood is right. We're gonna have some fun, show you how it's done, TGIF!"

I feel super old right now. It's really hard to believe that 'Boy Meets World' came out over 20 years ago. I remember watching TGIF lineup and thinking it was the best television ever. Boy Meets World, Step By Step, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, Full House... In reality they were all crap, but don't tell that to anyone from "Generation-Whatever-We-Are". That was TV gold.

So I was really nervous about 'Girl Meets World'. Bringing back Cory and Topanga is the best recipe for nostalgia, or the best recipe for complete disaster. To best understand the new show, I made sure to watch the pilot of BMW immediately following the pilot of GMW. So here's what I thought.

My first impression was that GMW is definitely a Disney show. It's got every gross trappings of a 'That's So Raven' or some other nonsense I would never subject myself to. But at the same time, it's cute. Maybe it's because I'm a father now, but I can imagine my son really enjoying it. If he were like 8 years older. Currently all he likes is sticking his hand in piss and shit while I try to change his diaper. 

Rowand Blanchard plays Riley Matthews, the oldest of 3 kids by Cory and Topanga. So far I'm pretty indifferent about her. Her best friend is a wild child, she's got a crush on the new boy at school, and her dad is also her teacher. It's a standard character, in a standard pilot, but I will say this. The show's theme song, recorded by her, is pretty sweet. I dare you to not get it stuck in your head. "Take on the World".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDz4a9AlQ94

The scene stealer, by far was Jackee Harry. It's a bit part, but she plays a typical New York City subway commuter. Every line she delivers is spot on, I just hope she gets to be a series regular. And I miss her from the 80s #227. Also, that's gotta be the cleanest NYC subway car, and platform ever.

My only complaints are small, and maybe irrelevant as the series progresses past the pilot. Topanga was hardly there at all. I read a couple of reviewers afterwards, and they all complained about the lack of Danielle Fishel in the pilot. After watching the 'Boy Meets World' pilot, I would like to remind them that Topanga only had about 20 seconds of screentime.

Shawn, played by Rider Strong, also wasn't in the pilot, but he will be joining the show in the next aired episodes.

Finally, Cory is no where near the level of Mr. Feeny, William Daniels, as he gets run over roughshod by his students, and his daughter. My wife would tell you that it was extremely poor classroom management. And she'd be right. It was kind of unbelievable,

I also didn't make the connection that the goofball character Farkle is Minkus' until I looked it up on IMDB. Really? Your last name is Minkus, and you name your son Farkle? Like the dice game? That's child abuse.

Overall, I'd say watch it. It only takes 23 minutes of your life, and it'll remind you of the early nineties. I liked the nineties. It was fun.

Thanks for reading, and yes. I refused to address the fact that I haven't posted anything in months. 

#JustWrite


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter Sunday

Forgive me, those people that bother to read my nonsense. It has been almost a month since I last blogged.

That is a crazy introduction to a blog post for me, for a couple of reasons. The first reason is, my wife called me out last week. "You haven't posted anything in a long time." I didn't know how to respond, except to say, "I know. I just haven't known what to write."

I could have written about #Scandal. I could have written about #AgentsOfShield. I could have written about the last movie I saw in the theatre, #CaptainAmerica. A great idea was to write about the new faces of late night television since David Letterman announced his retirement. But honestly, it all sounded boring and repetitive to me.

The second reason, is because a friend of mine said almost the same thing in an introduction to her blog, about three weeks ago. Check her's out, she's #CooleyO. I hope she doesn't mind the reference. If she does, oops, too late. http://thecoollife101.blogspot.com/

The real reason it felt like a crazy introduction to my blog is because it's Easter Sunday. Today was my first Easter Sunday as a Catholic.

Over the last year, I've been participating in something called RCIA, the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults. It's the way grown ups join the Catholic Church. It's kind of like CCD, which is what usually young adults or teenagers went through for Christian/Catholic education before confirmation. I'm not going to proselytize or convert you or anything, but this is better to write about for me than anything else. In no particular order, here are my thoughts on joining the Catholic Church.

Mass was long as "Hell". I imagine. Now that I'm Catholic I'm not going to hell, so I guess I'll never know. (Yes that's a joke.)

My wife, and anyone around me, can tell you I was shaking and sweating like a hooker in church. Pun intended. I don't like doing new stuff, life changing stuff especially. I was sweating like a fool when I got married. When I picked up my son for the first time, I was shaking so badly the nurses were nervous I might drop him. When I first took the cup for Communion, I was sure I would drop the cup and and ruin everyone in the church's Easter. Somehow, I didn't screw up any of them.

I can't remember the last time I saw some get baptized. Very holy, very cool, and at 32 years old I think I'd have peed in the pool of holy water. I'm sure it helped the elect for baptism that the deacon performing looked as nervous as they did.

I wish I was sitting on the end of the aisle for this hand holding prayer. Then only my wife would know how badly my palms were sweating.

Don't drop the cup. Don't drop the cup. Don't drop the cup. Oh my God, I'm going to drop the cup. I didn't drop the cup. What do I do now?

Seeing these people, I've gotten to know, get baptized is really cool. But the sound of the flowing water makes me want to pee. How long until we're done?

Where's my son? Is he happy with his grandma and grandpa? Why isn't he with grandma??!! I'm interrupting service now. There he is.

I was telling Kate that I'm not thrilled with drinking from a cup that a bunch of strangers drink from. What if there is a new pimply, hormonal, thirteen year old, just into puberty, that takes from the cup right before I am supposed to? Oh? We go first today, and can always pass on the cup? Ok, I can handle that.

I'm not exaggerating when I say these are only some of the thoughts that raced through my mind. I could list a lot more funny and less funny examples.

So now I am confirmed into the Catholic Church. I'm thrilled, terrified, and awed to be a member. If you'd have told me 6 years ago, I'd be married, with a child, and a dog, and a member of the Church, I'd have laughed in your face.

The Future is a crazy thing.

Monday, March 31, 2014

How I Met Your Mother - Series Finale

How I Met Your Mother

#SpoilerAlert

I'm thinking that perhaps they should have gone with a different title. How I Met Your Mother and Then She Died is more appropriate.

It was a fun finale. #NeilPatrickHarris is always a scene stealer, but never more so than during this final episode.Barney Stinson in the present is always ridiculous entertainment. Barney in the near future, and then the farther future was absolutely priceless. If I were to meet Neil on the street one day, I'd ask him if I could buy him a beer. Then I'd remember how much money he has, and ask him to buy ME a beer.

#CobieSmulders was also brilliant. Robin, as a character, was always a little bit all over the place. True to the storyline, she stayed crazy all the way into 2020. As an actress, I don't know how she was able to maintain her character. As a fictional character, I don't know how Robin could be so crazy for so long.

And now for my review of the episode.

Rubbish.

Finally, Ted met the mother, and then they flashed forward to her on her death bed. Really? 9 seasons of the yellow umbrella, so she can be dying in the future. And then, it's revealed that the entire story was being told to his kids because he wanted their permission to ask out 'Aunt Robin'. Of course, they gave permission. Thanks, #LyndsyFonseca for that. What if the kids said no? Would there then have been no show? "I don't think that's appropriate, Ted/Dad. Maybe you shouldn't try to date someone we call 'Aunt'. That might be a bit weird."

But of course the kids say yes. Ted takes the blue horn to Robin and she's thrilled. Barney decides to be Barney. Lilly and Marshall live happily ever after with their three kids. Everything you hoped would happen, happened.

Now, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it. I just don't like 'predictable'. I don't like everything to happen exactly the way you thought it would when you first started watching. Especially when that was almost a decade ago. I'm sorry I sound like a complainer. I know I'm being a little bit bitchy. But seriously, 9 seasons and she's killed off? Ok, I'll stop now.

As always, thanks for reading. Seeya in the funny papers.

-J

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Free Day!

Damn! I was so close to getting regular readers. And then I forgot to write. Actually, I didn't forget. I just couldn't think of anything interesting to write about. Not that nothing interesting happened, just that I didn't think it was interesting for anyone else to read about. I still don't feel like I have anything interesting to write about. But at the very least, I can write something boring, and it can revitalize my creative process. Maybe my next post will be interesting. Today I'll just describe how awesome it was to have Kate at home, and have nothing to really think about all day.

It felt like for the first time in months, I was able to sleep past ten. As a new dad, and a stay-at-home-dad, my internal clock starts waiting for crying around 7am. The last few weeks I could have slept in later, but my clock went off, and I couldn't go back to sleep. Last night I spent an hour mentally preparing to ignore Isaiah's cries, and let Kate handle him. It worked.

Another thing we haven't done in a while is hang out all together, when we had nothing ahead of us in the day to plan. Pepper Potts (our dog) had a walk. Isaiah was fed and changed. Kate and I just got to hang out and enjoy our family for a few hours. I had barely remembered what that was like.

Around 2:30pm everyone had naptime. The boy slept, the dog slept, and the parents actually got to lay down together at the same time. Kate and I haven't gone to bed at the same time in forever. She goes to bed around 9 when Isaiah does, I go to bed around midnight after I move him from the crib to our room. Just in case you're being nosy, I said nothing about our sex life. You're a creep for being interested.

For dinner we went to the less popular Mexican restaurant in our hood. We choose the better of the two, #PerezPilsen. For the first time we took our baby out for dinner. My burrito was awesome. That crazy mess of Mexican food that Kate ordered looked really good too. I plan to eat both tomorrow. Isaiah slept the entire time.

Honestly, the best part of the day was Kate and I, thanking each other. We keep trying to make time for each other. We got to do that today. (And then we both admit that we like our little boy more than we like each other).

It's a crazy thing when you can say to your spouse, or your spouse can say to you, "I care way about our kid, than I care about you." It's totally honest, and mind blowing.

I hope my next post is more coherent. Thank for reading.

#J


Friday, March 7, 2014

11 Weeks a Father, 3 Weeks a Stay at Home Dad

I haven't written a blog about Isaiah Jedi Smith since the second week he was born. Now, with time passed and eleven weeks experience as a father, it makes a little more sense. No one wants to read about the daily minutiae of parenthood. Even as a new father, I don't want to write or read about it. "Today my kid did this." "Praise me! This is what I made us for lunch." "You'll never guess what my kid did today. Here's proof in a video I'll be putting on #youtube in a few minutes." It's really annoying. My wife and I have been trying to avoid that kind of thing, except for sending pictures and videos to Isaiah's grandmothers. Grandmas don't get tired of that stuff. In fact, if you don't, you'll get a phone call or text reminding you to. Especially if you're a stay at home dad. (Mom's and grandma's don't care if you're a father. Their baby or grandbaby are at stake.) Personally, I appreciate it. #StayAtHomeDads and #StayAtHomeMoms need reminders that they aren't alone in the universe. Seriously. Call us.

Two things happened this week that reminded me that I can't just waste internet space talking about television. I gotta write about this kid. Because you know, we might run out of internet space. Outline-style I'll tell you the good news, followed by the bad news. Then I'll elaborate on cool stuff about my little #Padawan. Then I'll connect everything together, and conclude with something that makes you smile, and possibly bring a tear to your eye.

One of my good friends had a baby this week. They made a gorgeous, little, partial-Puerto-Rican baby, that took forever coming out of his mommy's belly. He likes his new environment, I'm sure. He's got amazing parents that love him. He's got family that probably wants to steal him, and friends that would readily volunteer to help him not be a Cubs fan. This little boy, is going to have an awesome support structure for growing up. (I volunteer to help him not be a Cubs fan.) I can't reiterate how excited I am for baby, Mommy and Daddy. Well done.

Warning This is very sad, but it reminded me why I need to write about my kid. Feel free to skip it. I'd skip it if I didn't think it was relevant to this post.

Earlier this week a clearly long-past-stable pregnant woman tried to drive into the Atlantic Ocean at Daytona Beach with her other three children in the car. Thankfully, good Samaritans charged the beach and pulled everyone out of the car and no one was seriously injured.

http://nydn.us/1f7x2Hi

Clearly, she was mentally ill. But as a new parent, is still scares me. I've been scared about hurting my boy since before he was born. What if I drop him? What if I'm rushing through the house with him in my arms and smack his head on a door frame? What if Wife isn't home and I don't know what to do if he stops breathing? What if he cries, and somehow, I go nuts like this Florida woman and want to drive into the lake? It's absolutely terrifying. Most of it's gone now, in week eleven. But what if I make a simple, honest mistake, and it hurts my little Jedi? These are the things that cross my mind watching a news report like this.

Rational or not, these are the things that go through my head as a new father. What if I get through all of the infancy stages, and just raise a complete asshole? Wife tells me I'm a good father and I'll only get better, but my subconscious doesn't give a rats piss for her positivity.

I feel better now, having thought about the last eleven weeks as a new parent, and the last three weeks staying at home with my boy. So here's what I've learned in eleven weeks as a father, and three weeks as a #stayathomedad.

At eleven weeks he can be a real pain in the ass. I don't know why I'm surprised. First, he's going through major developmental changes at eleven weeks, more than any he's gone through yet. Second, he's my son. Of course he's going to be difficult. I've also read/heard that parents pray that their kids have kids that end up just like them. To my Mom and Dad, wish granted.

I've learned to changed diapers with my guard up. He may piss, or poo at any point, but he's not catching me by surprise. Extra diapers, wipes, and clothing for he and I both are at hand ALWAYS.

I talk in my sleep. God was funny for this one. My wife snores, my baby snores, and my dog sleeps in our bed trying to run and whine in her sleep. I have a chorus of noise in my bed.

This past Tuesday Isaiah and I had our worst day ever. He was fed, changed, and super tired, but didn't want to take naps all day. He knows his Papa's voice, and face. Why would he want to close his eyes and sleep if he could whine and get to #shadowbox with his Dad? I get it, personally. But I wanted to claw my eyes out.

Neutrally, he has a great sense of humor. Today Wife said she was going to do something in the kitchen quickly, and then grab him on her way back. As she walked past him, a little plastic wire ball bounced out of his swing, in her direction. "I don't think he liked what you said, babe." She also asked him tonight if he wanted to feed, or if he just wanted the pacey. Pacey mysteriously bounced about five feet across the room. #NoJoke, I swear it was that immediate. That's definitely my kid. Oh, and Pacey is how I abbreviate 'pacifier'.

Here's what makes it all worth it by about a million.

Today he propped his bottle up in his mouth because he thought I might be taking it away. He also does that for his pacey.

When he hears our voices or sees our faces he immediately looks for us and starts smiling. He also does that when he sees his own reflection. My son is vain.

He mimics our behavior. If I tell him to put his "hands up", they stay there. Because "All we do is win, win, win, no matter what!". And if Wife sticks out her tongue out at him, he'll stick his out and then giggles hysterically. I'm also, pretty sure he tried to wave at me this week.

(I just played #DJKahled while I'm writing this, and he started talking from his crib, in his sleep. Honestly.)

He loves to #ShadowBox with his #Papa. If he's fussing about something, it instantly stops when I help him throw a left jab, left jab, right hook. Instant smiles. His favorite is when he's got the guy on the ropes and can throw multiple upper cuts, followed by a multiple hooks. That's his favorite #knockout move.

These last couple go as favorites for me and a negative for Mom. I'm at home with him all day every day. She's at work. As a result, I get to see his "first time things" and his new development things.

 Today he held his bottle in place for about 20 seconds for the first time. (He didn't really hold it, but propped it up enough so he could eat.)

I know that if you give him the pacey when he's tired, you can rub him from his forehead to the tip of his nose with a finger, and he'll close his eyes and want to go to sleep.

Turn off his swing when he falls asleep, and he'll sleep longer than if it's swinging.

It's a lot of simple, stupid stuff like that I could have learned if I had read as many books as Wife did earlier. But I didn't. I'm learning on the fly and I'm trusting in her help, God, and my natural instinct.

My point is that these little human beings, made from your DNA, don't come with instructions. I've read that in every single book I had to read. Some things will come naturally. I haven't worried about dropping Isaiah since the first time I held him in my arms. Some things you'll have to learn. "When does he need food or sleep, and why won't he shut up??!!" And some things you just have to pray that you'll figure out down the road. "I hope his first words aren't 'Goddamn television, I hate you!'"

I'm doing my best. I have good support from Wife who's doing her best. Even the Grandparents don't know how this kid may be different from their experience, but they're doing their best. We're all doing our best, and praying that he'll be the best.

-J




P.S You all better be doing your best, too. My best feels like inadequate rubbish.






Friday, February 28, 2014

SVU Meets ChicagoPD plus Heroes: Reborn

Thank you, for still reading my blog, those of you that still do. My last post was very bitchy, and approval/attention seeking. You get my gratitude but not an apology. Because as #Gibbs speaking for #JohnWayne would say, "Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness."


For those of you that didn't get the news, #Heroes is coming back to #NBC in 2015. I was especially blown away because the news came to me via my wife at about six in the morning on a weekday. We watched the show together, and loved it, but she will be the first to tell you that I liked it better than she. Typically, I would be the one to wake her up at one o'clock in the morning with this news. 

Understandably, (at least for me), I was agitated about being uninformed and needed to go online to check the news myself. And then rant and rave like a lunatic. And then start 'Heroes' from the beginning on #Netflix. And the rant, rave, and speculate about what a new series would be about. I was super pissed about the writer's strike interrupting my viewing pleasure. I was even more pissed, when I thought we would never get any more 'Heroes' again. But not as pissed as #Sheldon.


I immediately started #bingewatching 'Heroes' so that my opinions about a new show would be informed, and intelligent. As of the first of March, I'm at the beginning of season two, pretending I don't know what happens in the next two season. Check me out on #twitter to maybe catch my random thoughts on random mid-series episodes @JasonJoelSmith.

Everyone is wondering who will be back for the new series. A lot of the actors have way better things to do than rejoin the cast of a show that already failed twice. #ZacharayQuinto is #Spock in the current #StarTrek franchise. #HaydenPanettiere is doing pretty well on #ABC with #Nashville (snooze). #MasiOka is a genius/nerd/smartass on #HawaiiFiveO. There's no reason to look for any of them to risk their careers on what may easily be a failure. 

Here's who I predict you will see in the next mini-series. #JackColeman #HRG will be there, possibly in a flashback. #Masi #Hiro and #GeorgeTakei will make cameos, because they're both so cool and love us #fanboys. Hiro can also time travel, so maybe we get to see future Hiro again with that silly #FlavorSaver. Really, anyone can make a cameo and probably will. They all owe #TimKring their careers, and should do whatever he asks of them. Seriously, what if it's set it 2040? Peter, Sylar, and Claire can't die. Hiro can time travel. I'd love to seem them old, and the new managers of #TheCompany. But not, #Mohinder. He was kind of a moron.

#SVU #ChicagoPD - I have been looking forward to these shows crossing over since #DickWolf promised me they would so, before the premiere of #ChicagoPD. They cross-over this week,  Wednesday February 27th, but it was not the "2-hour event" it was advertised to be. 

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit was completely just an average episode of SVU. Semi-serial rapist, celebrity antagonist #JonathanSilverman, difficult court case for the district attorney or assistant district attorney. I'm not exaggerating when I say I've seen that plot line 200 times. I've watched almost all of the L&O series and episodes, and that's the standard format for any ep that doesn't need to advance the plot. The only thing that made it unique for me was the I know how cool Jonathan Silverman has been in other things. (Strangely, I think of #TheSingleGuy, a tv series from the mid-nineties. You'll definitely have to look that one up.)

But in the last 45 seconds #SophiaBush showed up at 1 Police Plaza (1PP), the headquarters of the #NYPD. She was on assignment from Chicago to follow up on a serial killer/rapist the SVU had tracked months before. To aid in the investigation, #SGTBenson sent detectives Rollins and Tutuola #Fin, to Chicago.

That's it. That's all we got for a the SVU side of the crossover. 

#ChicagoPD side of the crossover was way cooler. 


From the first moment SVU detectives walked into a Chicago Police Department, it was perfect. They call #SgtPlatt #AmyMorton "Office".  Oops. "That's what they call the desk here, right?" #Platt just points at her bars and says, "Oh you're from New York? Why didn't you say so. Go sit over there." They call her Sergeant, because she's got the bars, and outranks you. She's a bitch, but she's right. #Fin comments about how nice #NewYorkers seem to be except for the battleaxe up front, but from there on it's just good cop tv.

SVU cops Rollins and Tutuola are now specialist sex crime #profilers. They advise #CPD what to look for. CPD goes totally off protocol to kick ass and take names. Sergeant Voight does whatever he needs to do to "glean" information for a suspect in custody. "What's the cage," asks Detective Tutuola. No response given, and none necessary, I would guess. (Fin worked vice undercover, and now works sex crimes NYPD. He'd know how to kick a perps ass). And the rookie, Officer Kim Burgess #MarinaSquerciati, broke from desk duty to break the case. By the way, she's the hottest one on this new show. If I run into her shooting film in my neighborhood, I'm gonna invite her for a burger. (Crap, it's on the world wide web now. I hope I have money if that happens.)


My favorite part was the last scene of everyone at Molly's, the bar owned by the #ChicagoFire crew. Cheers to the #CPD and #CFD! Why every member of the CPD isn't welcome at Molly's is a long story. One I hope, they'll get into during seasons 2 and 3. 

In the meantime, thanks for reading. 

And DON'T **** WITH MY CITY.

Friday, February 21, 2014

I don't care about your blog

I don't care about your blog. If you feel the need to write down every inane thought that passes through your head, (albeit very attractive head) go write ahead. Scribble your thoughts about television, politics, sports and whatever in your little journals. Post them online, if you want. But I don't need a text, email, #tweet, or #facebook notification everytime you do. You're seriously just not that interesting. Oh, and no one cares if you named your kid #Jedi.

I don't want to play #CandyCrush, or slots, or #Farmville, or poker, or #FamilyFeud, or whatever the new game it is you want me to play. I will never play. I'll just politely ignore the invite, until eventually you've invited me to play so many times that I block the entire program. By which point you've already stopped playing and will soon be inviting me to play some other idiotic game. When that happens, again, I'm just going to block you.

I don't care about your new #kickstarter company. I'm not giving you my money for your crappy jewelry, or your new invention, or your online store. My #Google isn't broken, it works just fine. If I need something, or want to donate to a cause, I know how to do it. Unless it's a fund to deport #JustinBieber. I can throw in a few bucks for that.

Speaking of causes, I don't care about yours. I don't want to walk for anything. I don't want to occupy anything. I don't want a portion of the proceeds to go anywhere. And I definitely don't want to give you a dollar for every mile you run, or push-up you can do. I get it. You're a hippie. I'm not. Let's get past this. Unless I end up with #GirlScoutCookies. I care about Girl Scout Cookies.

I don't care about your band. I'm 32 years old. I don't want to sign up for you newsletter. I don't want any of your 'merch'. I'm not signing a poll or petition to get you on some radio station. And unless you've got free beer, I'm not coming to your show. Again, I'm 32. I don't do that for artists I REALLY REALLY like, so why would I do it for you?

I don't care about your damn kid. I don't care if your kid has a football game, or dance recital, or if he/she tried to ride the dog like a very little pony. So you can imagine how I feel about the 119 pictures you just posted on Facebook. I've got my own kid. His middle name is Jedi, and he's way better looking than your little messes. And I don't care if you don't care that his middle name is Jedi.

I read the #HuffingtonPost online all the time. Sometimes I find the articles entertaining or educational. But I don't care about what you read. Unless you know me very well, stop bothering me with videos of people dancing on subways, or planking in #TimeSquare. If you really think it'd interest me, email it to me. But just know that if the subject line has 'fwd' in it, I'll delete it without opening, promptly empty my trash bin, and then not know what you're talking about when we next talk.

I REALLY do not care what you promote for a living. I'm not buying real estate from you. I'm not going to the bar where you work for the Tuesday afternoon "3 Dollar Boilermaker Special!!!". I'm not going to become a regular at such-and-such restaurant because you're their Event Planner/Promotions manager. I'm not going to a nightclub Friday night because you're the beer tub girl. I'm just not going to do it.

I'm not going to become a Tennessee Lady's Volunteers basketball fan. I'm sure the fan base is great, and the atmosphere is phenomenal. I'm sure they're very nice people. I just don't care about Tennessee, or Lady basketball. (They can't even dunk.)

Wow, that felt good. It was a long week, and in case you can't tell, I'm a little crabby. Sometimes I don't realize I'm crabby until the moment I stop feeling crabby. Also, making others share in my crabbiness takes the edge off of my own. If you managed to read all the way to the end of this rant, thank you. Thanks for caring enough to read about what I don't care about even though you really don't care yourself. See you next time.

Holy crap, I just realized I just wasted my 50th blog post. Eh, I don't care.

"I don't hate anyone. I'm not a hate monger. More of a, hate stylist." --Tom Hanks in Punchline
"Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?" --Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Lost - The End

Almost 4 years have passed since the #Lost finale, and I still find it to be one of the most aggravating series of all time. How do you write about a show that was so convoluted? I just watched it again, for the fifth time, and I still have unanswered questions.

My wife and I watched it live, at her cousin's place. We never agreed on the point of the show. At the end I thought it was all about Jack. They say that when you are on the brink of death your whole life flashes before you eyes. In the case of Oceanic Flight 815, I thought, instead of Jack's life flashing before his eyes, his subconscious integrated all of the other passengers into a dream he made up to deal with his death.

Kate thought it was purgatory. Everyone on the flight died, and needed to wait for each other to go to the afterlife together. That made no damned sense to me on the first viewing. But now, I have to concede. Kate was right, and I was stupid.

That being said, I'm very disappointed.#JJAbrams promised that everything would be explained, and there would be no loose ends.

How the hell did Frank Lapidus manage to takeoff without a runway, in the middle of a jungle?

Why did the #DharmaInitiative bring polar bears to the island?

If this was everyone's purgatory, why did everyone have to wait for Jack? Couldn't they cross over on their own?

If all dogs go to heaven, why did Vincent have to put up with everyone's bullshit?

Christian Shephard was already dead when Oceanic flight 815 left the ground. Why would he be in purgatory with everyone else?

What happened to some of the other plane crash survivors (back end of the plane)? Ana Lucia doesn't go to purgatory? She doesn't get a shot at heaven?

Why does Jack hug Locke, 20 minutes after they fought to the death?

And lastly, where did they all go in the end? I'm not God, but if I were, they'd all go straight to hell.

What a crazy, annoying, amazing show. I've spent enough time trying to make sense of it. I can confidently say, I'm not going to watch any part of it ever again.

Finally, I'd just like to say that it was really entertaining to rewatch this finale, considering all of the different shows the actors are currently starring in. Instead of Sayid, I think of #NaveenAndrews as Jafar, and #EmilieDeRavin as Belle #Once. #TerryOquinn, and #DanielDaeKim are staples on #H5O. #JorgeGarcia splits time on #Once and #H5O. Even my wife commented while I was rewatching the finale. [I like #MichaelEmerson a lot more as #Finch #PersonofInterest than as #BenLinus]

Fun times. If you ever what some background #tv while you're cleaning the house, or making dinner, watch the finale again. It's way more fun coming around again. Let me know what you think. Until then,

"I'll see you in another life, brother." -- #DesmondHume #HenryIanCusick




Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Ashmores, Sam Jacksons, and Eleventy-First Birthdays

One of the most hilarious #SamuelLJackson moments ever went viral on a Monday, from a morning interview by #SamRubin, the entertainment reporter for KTLA, Los Angeles' channel five. After asking Jackson about the new #Robocop remake, and the newest #CaptainAmericaTheWinterSoldier trailer, Rubin proceeded to put his foot in his mouth by asking Jackson about reaction from the Superbowl commercial, that um, Jackson was not in. That was, um #LaurenceFishburne...

Jackson spent the rest of the interview intermittently verbally #bitchslapping Rubin, who was visibly embarrassed. [I'm not Laurence Fishburne! We may be Black and famous, but we don't all look alike.] Check out a cross-section of the interview here http://newsbreakerextra.ora.tv/2014/02/10/todays-lol-samuel-l-jackson-attacks-news-anchor-for-thinking-hes-laurence-fishburne/ . On the one hand, I can totally understand why Jackson is/was pissed off about it. Fishburne and Jackson are two of the most iconic black actors working in Hollywood, and their roles are so famously unique, a ten year old wouldn't confuse them. See if you can pick them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVFugFcUto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGQF8LAmiaE

See? Not difficult. If you need further proof, check out their filmographies. Vast, unique, and both utterly amazing.

Now, on the other hand, I feel really bad for Sam Rubin. I don't know him personally, but I doubt he's a racist. Sometimes, regardless of intent, knowledge, or training, the human brain makes a connection and is unable to slow down before impulses are sent, and embarrassing nonsense comes streaming out of the mouth. I've done it, I bet a lot of us have done it. It doesn't excuse Rubin for the mistake. After all, he's an ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER/ANCHOR for a major market news source. I'd hope that he was more prepared with his questions for a super-celebrity. Jackson commented, "It must have been a very short line for your job." If indeed, the line is short, I'd like to be standing in it. Which brings me to the topic of this post. (The introduction ended up being longer than I'd planned, but it was just too funny and entertaining to pass up.)

I've been mistaken, ignorant, and just plain dead wrong for 15 years! That #Ashmore actor I've enjoyed in #XMen, #TheFollowing, #Smallville, and countless other shows and films... ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!!
That's right. Identical twin brothers. I feel like a total moron for not having known this years ago. And I'm not saying that all white dudes look the same, but in this situation, they literally, by definition, look the same.

For Valentine's Day this year, my wife got me the first season of Smallville. (I already have season 5-10, but that's a separate story.) If she had not, I still would be in the dark about the twins. #ShawnAshmore (#Iceman) plays Eric Summers in a season one episode, and a season three episode of Smallville.
#AaronAshmore (#Warehouse13) plays #JimmyOlsen from season six until season 10.
Twin brothers, playing different characters, on the same show. Because that's not confusing. And if that didn't confuse you (I hate you), here's a picture of them playing alternate versions of themselves on the set of #Fringe.
Looks like they're having fun with it. But the joke is on them. I've referred to both of them as Aaron Ashmore for a decade. He's a minute older, and an inch taller. Possibly. I could have that confused as well.

I guess I've got them straight now. What a relief. But... then it occurred to me. How many other actors have I loved, not realizing they were twins, #cylons, or clones. I do watch a lot of #scifi, after all. So I did a quick net search to see how many other actors have been messing with me. Mostly it wasn't a surprising list. For instance, did you know that Mary Kate Olsen has a twin named Ashley? Or that the Mowry girls from 'Sister, Sister' were real life twins? Duh. Ashton Kutcher, Kiefer Sutherland, and Scarlett Johansson also have twin siblings. The only new bits of information that annoyed me to learn were that #LindaHamilton, aka Sarah Connor in #TheTerminator franchise, #VinDiesel, and #NicholasBrendon also have twins siblings. With as much #JossWhedon (and oh yea, #CriminalMinds) as I've consumed I should have at least caught #XanderHarris from #Buffy.


So that's it, for now. Apparently, I don't know half as much as I think I know, and I know less than half as much as I know I should know. With the #Olympics dominating primetime. My next post will probably be about all of the movies I should have seen, but haven't yet. Talk to you soon.  -J

"I don't half of you, half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you, half as well as you deserve." --Bilbo Baggins, on his eleventy-first birthday






Friday, February 7, 2014

Sochi #Olympics Opening Ceremonies

I've actually feel like a terrible writer/blogger because I only ever feel like writing about television. I last wrote about the restaurant my wife and I went to for her birthday. The writing was ok, but it still felt kind of generic to me. I like to write with passion about a subject. I like to write as though I might piss someone off. Then I remembered, #justwrite. There's no better way to be arrogant, and piss people off, than to talk about the #Olympics as an American.. Tonight was the opening ceremonies in #Sochi, Russia.

Honestly, I think the winter #Olympics are far more boring than the summer. I'd much rather watch #basketball or #gymnastics or #swimming. My wife says swimming is exciting because #RyanLochte is so hot. I think winning is hot, so I like swimming, basketball and I like women's gymnastics. #McKaylaMaroney doesn't care about much else, and I agree.


All I care about in this Olympic session, is hockey, and bobsleds. The contending hockey teams are dominated by #ChicagoBlackHawks members and it is going to be so fun to watch our boys skate against each other. Just please don't play very hard. No hard checks on the glass. Please. Shake hands, call it a good game, and come back home to #SweetHomeChicago and bring us another #StanleyCup.
As for the opening ceremonies, I was pretty impressed. The girl described as a [fearless gymnast], blew my expectations away. She reminded me of #ET passing the moon.

"You want me to do what? Soar over the stadium, twice? Three times??!!

I'll pass. I'm black. I just know I'd be the first casualty of the 2014 Olympics. Hash tag, the black guy dies first.

I wish I could have been in charge of sending the #American contingency regardless of Olympic eligibility. I'd have had #SamJackson lead #ToddLodwick out carrying the US flag in a flaming chariot, ala, #TheHungerGames.

I also have to say that I'm rooting for #Jamaica in #bobsleigh. First, I like warm weather sports. Second, I love #tv and #movies. Third and last, how could anyone not root for the #JamaicanBobsledTeam?http://www.olympic.org/news/the-jamaican-bobsleigh-team-is-the-hottest-thing-on-ice/222740


Have you ever wondered whether you'd like ballet or opera. My wife clarified for me. I would enjoy Russian ballet far more than Russian opera. I agreed. During the ballet I'd figure out what the hell was going on. During the opera, I'd just sit there and try and learn the Russian language. It'd be miserable for both of us, and anyone sitting near us.

I have one last thought before you lose interest. #Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics. #Rio got it, but I bet neither city would have made this big of a mistake.
Oops.



Saturday, February 1, 2014

Restaurant Review - Dusek's and Punch House

Our neighborhood has been overrun by hipsters. No joke.

The wife and I went out for our first date since she got pregnant, and they were everywhere. Tomorrow is also her birthday. We had an early dinner at Dusek's Board & Beer #Duseks, and a couple of drinks at #PunchHouse Chicago, the bar downstairs. It's a perfect venue for a couple with a newborn baby, as we live in Pilsen, Chicago, only two blocks away. Jared Wentworth is a #MichelinStar rated chef, already responsible for what I've heard is amazing food at #LongmanAndEagle in Logan Square, also a Chicago neighborhood. So that's what we did while my in-laws cared for Isaiah Jedi. This was the first time we left him away from his #Mama and his #Papa. We were understandably a little nuts after two hours.

My first impression, upon walking in, was that it was a nice restaurant to hang out. Then we found out we were too early to be seated. Other patrons were also seated at the bar to wait. I hope you like craft beer, because that's their specialty. Pairing craft beers with their food. I think craft beer is poison beer, so I had a scotch, and then wine for the remainder of the night. Don't judge me. I can look like a hipster if I care too, but I don't particularly care for it.

When we were sat I immediately got annoyed. The tables are very close to each other, and the table legs at our table didn't allow for me to put my feat down right in front of me. I also didn't want to hear the details of conversation from the gay couple to my left, or the mom and sons to my right. I know I sound annoyed, but I wasn't. The ambiance was very cool. #TheCars were playing, and I was excited to eat some delicious food.

If you decide to eat here at some point, keep in mind, portions are meant to be shared. Our waiter, Nathan, fairly warned us, so we ordered a lot of food. Also, they bring out the food as it's prepared. I like that, because it means my food isn't sitting under a heat lamp getting lame. Our first taste of food was quickly served, boneless duck wings. We didn't expect them to look like egg rolls, but they did. When you could taste the duck it was awesome, but the hot sauce was a bit overwhelming. Make sure you use the sour cream and the other mixes served on the platter. Next, was oysters. I'm sure a warning about eating oysters is not necessary. If you've never done it, it could be the grossest thing you ever do. They were good, but I still had the taste of hot sauce in my mouth. I didn't catch the flavor until the aftertaste. Really fracking good, but I'd skip the extra sauces, and add some salt.

Now the restaurant is starting to get busy, and we're getting our entrees. I had my heart set on the Wood Roasted Skirt Steak. Kate got the Kentucky Fried Quail. Fancy, right? The quail was so fracking good I almost forgot there was other food on the table. Beneath the quail was a foie gras prepared cornbread. I always thought my sister's cornbread was the best. Presupposition out the window! I know that foie gras means that the bird was over fed. I don't care. My palate doesn't care. I could eat it for every meal.

Because the quail was so good, we didn't appreciate the skirt steak as much. After I had cleaned my palate again, I told Kate to try the steak again, and make sure she got some of the blue cheese butter. She didn't care to try again. I asked for an order of it to carry out. I'm sure she'll she agrees when she gets around to our leftovers. Oh, and we also got an order of duck fat fries. Nothing to say about them. They were french fries cooked in duck fat, not vegetable or olive oil. But really, just french fries.

Compliments of the chef, and sent to every table having food, was a spoon. A spoon full of the most delicious thing you could ever put in your mouth. Again, no joke. It was just a taster of butternut squash puree, with bacon and pickled walnuts. I swear, and Katie agrees, I'd go back just for some more of that spoonful. That's great marketing.

A warning for anyone who wants to check this place out. They pickle everything. Every single side is pickled, and it's delicious. The first time. The second time it's ok. The third time they tell you something is pickled, you'll want to punch them in the face. Don't eat it the third time. Just leave it on the plate, but don't stop eating. Everything else on the plate is probably fabulous.

Your other warning is, about Punch House, the bar downstairs. It's just a trendy, modern bar. It's cool, but it's not all that special. I only tasted their punches. Kate was the experimenter, I just wanted to go home and get to my son and dog. They were sweet. They were full of rum, or vodka, and juice. If that's you're deal, drink up. I'd rather have a dry glass of cab. Or a scotch. Or whatever. I'm not drinking any punch until it's 90 degrees in Chicago, and that feels like a million years away.

Last warning is simple. Their cloth napkins are total rubbish. Don't touch them or you will end up wondering why your pea coat is covered in lint. Ten minutes into dinner I thought I'd gotten blue cheese all over myself. I did not. It was all crap off of a new restaurant's linen. I didn't warn the people sitting too close to me. But who am I? The Angel Gabriel?

My overall grade on this restaurant and bar is a solid "B". The food is good. The ambiance is above average. The drinks are average. The price is slightly above average for the quality. You won't regret having gone there.

So say we all.

J

#Bones on #Fox - Jack Hodgins Fortune

#Bones last night re-raised a couple of questions about the last season and a half that for some reason, I forgot to ask about, or blog about. Maybe it's because Bones moved to Friday nights. #FridayNights are where I typically think television shows go to die, or get cancelled. Maybe it's because I like to go out, drink beer, or generally be social on Friday nights. Or maybe it's because #Pelant was my most hated, and the most despicable villain on television over the last several years. I can't speak to my subconscious, but I'm leaning toward the latter. Pelant came right back to the forefront of my mind during 'The Heiress in the Hill', and I'll explain why.

The Corpse on the Canopy (Season 8, episode 12)

For a pop/cop/crime drama on #primetime television, serial killers can be kind of a cliche, or a 'cop out'. (Forgive the pun.). #StephenNathan, one of the producers of Bones, has said so in many interviews. The only reason they were willing to do so, was because all of the characters in #Bones have evolved so well during the show's nine seasons running. Pelant, as a villain, was no exception.

Pelant returned during season eight to pay back #JackHodgins for being an exceptional forensic scientist. Since Jack was now married to #AngelaMontenegro, (Angel Black Mountain, for those translating), he payed them both back for their expertise, by posing a dead body on the canopy above their bed, and by forcing them to engage in a #HeroesDilemma. When faced with the decision, how would they choose between Jack's family's fortune (undisclosed amount, but a helluva lot of money), and the lives of a bunch of innocent little girls. Of course they chose to save the innocents, and Jack and Angela went jumped from one of the richest families on the planet, to broke. To be fair, they were never going to be broke. Jack has three PhD's, and they both work for #TheJeffersonianInstitute, one of the premiere scientific institutions in the United States, (based in part on the Smithsonian). But when I say they lost a lot of money, I mean Bill Gates and Steve Jobs kind of money.

The Sense in the Sacrifice (Season 9, episode 4)

Jump forward about a half of a season. #Pelant targets #Brennan, which is about the dumbest thing he could have done. Let's not forget that #Booth #DavidBoreanaz in my mind, is also the only vampire with a soul. #Buffy #Angel Pelant gets the Jeffersonian on a lockdown, kidnaps Brennan, and pretty much tells her that they are soulmates. Face to face, Pelant has a gun to Brennan's head, and tells #Booth that he can't die because they "need him". Hashtag 'oops'. #oops Booth takes the shot, and puts one right between Pelant's eyes. I stood up and cheered, no lie. Pelant should now be as dead as the #IndianaJones franchise. Right?

The Heiress in the Hill (Season 9, episode 15)

I have no idea as to why this didn't occur to me a season ago. With all of the cop and legal shows I watch, it should have occurred to me that Hodgins should have gotten his fortune back by now. It was a pretty typical episode of #Bones (case wise). But a few things stood out. Hodgins found out he had a brother that he never knew about, Jeffrey Hodgins. Jeffrey was schizophrenic, and sent to an institution by the Hodgins parents, without Jack even remembering him. The trust fund they had set up to pay his medical bills had run out a few months ago, otherwise, Jack would never had known he wasn't an only child. Unfortunately, because Pelant took all his money, Jack and Angela had no way to pick up the tab.

In other news, Brennan got a royalty check for 75,000 dollars, as a best selling author. Booth had issues putting the check into his own account, (they don't yet have a joint account), so they spent a major part of the episode discussing money. When Booth finally came to terms with Bones making so much money, he suggested they give it to Jack and Angela. Anyone who knows the show, saw that coming, and also knew that the Hodgins would refuse. The Hodgins took out a loan, like "regular people". Booth and Bones donated 75K to a Veteran's relief fund. Duh, predictable.

But here's my first issue. #Hodgins literally got robbed, by a serial killer. There could be no doubt in any law enforcement organization's mind, after what they all went through. Pelant threatened everyone at the Jeffersonaian. He left bodies everywhere, put the Jeffersonian on lockdown, and was killed on what hasn't even been questioned as a "good shooting".  Then I realized, he's gonna get his money back. He has to. But no bureaucracy wan't to pay it. Not the #FBI, not his bank, and definitely not any insurance company. #Hodge is going to be locked up in court and paper work for about a thousand years. Or until the end of #Bones as a tv series. Then we'll get some sort of happy ending. I should have thought of that with all of the #LawAndOrder I watch.

My other issue, isn't really even an issue. I'm just really looking forward to when the FBI decides to go kick some ass to get Hodgins his money back. Just wait until #LanceSweets, psychologist for the FBI, Caroline Julian, a prosecutor for the U.S District Attorney's office, and Special Agent Seely Booth, walk into someone's office demanding justice for a member of the Jeffersonian team.

I hope we get a courtroom drama episode.