Saturday, December 13, 2014

Top Ten Christmas Movies

Yes, I realize my last posts were about lists. But after my son's first birthday party all I wanted to to do was watch comfort movies and not talk to people anymore. So this time, I decided to properly rank my favorite Christmas movies. So that I wouldn't forget any movie, I looked up the top 50 lists of Christmas movies on Bing and Google.

Die Hard? Really? Just because a movie takes place during Christmas, does not make it a Christmas movie. If you need Die Hard on your list, make it a Christmas Action movie list.

So here's my top ten Christmas movies of all time, in order. Keep in mind, these are just MY favorites. They might not be the best movies, or the best of all time.

10.Home Alone
9. Frosty the Snowman
8. The Santa Clause
7. A Christmas Story
6. White Christmas
5.Miracle on 34th Street (the 1947 version)
4. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
3.It's a Wonderful Life
2. How The Grinch Stole Christmas!
1. Christmas Vacation

I can quote every single one of these movies from 10-1.

"Say goodnight Kevin. Goodnight Kevin."
"When Santa squeezes his fat, white, ass down the chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes, this side of the nuthouse."

I won't speak to Katie or Isaiah's favorites. But I'm pretty sure Kate likes the same movies I like, and Isaiah likes whichever has the most music.

My mom likes #4, and my sister likes #3 the best. My Dad likes #7. I bet Isaiah likes Frosty or Rudolph, but he can't tell us yet. Until then we'll just have to guess, and he'll have to watch whatever we want. Until then, thanks for reading, and have a good night.


Monday, December 8, 2014

Western Movies Part II

After my last post, my wife suggested I write next about what makes a good western, and why I like to make lists. Both are great suggestions. The former is easy, that latter makes me feel uncomfortable. I'll explain.

What factors make a western movie good? It's a very simple formula.

First, lots of guns. In any good western everyone is packing heat. Whether or not they ever fire their weapon is irrelevant. Carry a gun, be ready for a brawl at any time. (Sometimes, even preachers are carrying a gun.)

Explosions. In this instance, the protagonist and antagonist don't really matter. Just blow some shit up. It might be a train car of coal. Maybe it's a barrel of oil. Maybe it's a gas can. It doesn't matter. Just shoot it, and make it blow up. Even if it's just a bomb or grenade, it's makes every western movie better.

Every western needs a great hero and villain. Batman needed the Joker. Doctor Who needs The Master. Sherlock needed (or needs, depending on the version) Moriarty. I realize none of those are westerns, but the rule still applies. You can't be a soldier if there is no enemy. So you have to make them brilliant. It's called point/counterpoint.

Lastly, there has to be a pretty girl/woman. In some of the best westerns the woman is dead and the hero is going for revenge. Sometimes the girl is kidnapped. Sometimes she is at home hoping her cowboy comes home safely. It doesn't matter. Most often, our hero is fighting for something, and it's usually a girl.

Oh, and the good guy should win. That's not a rule, just a suggestion.

Looking at my list, I have to give an honorable mention to Django Unchained, and Open Range. Neither made my list, but they were both damned close.

Regarding why I like to make lists about nonsense; I'm not sure.

Thinking like an FBI profiler, I can guess.

I like the feeling it gives me to be able to complete something. In real life, I don't always finish. (That's not a sex thing.)

John Cusack made lists in High Fidelity. I love that movie.

Making lists creates order, when sometimes the world is chaotic.

A person that makes these types of lists is insecure about his future or his current status.

Making lists about the abstract allows a person to ignore or brush aside reality.

I should have been  an FBI profiler. I'm very clever It takes a certain level of crazy to be able to profile yourself. I might have done a good job, but how would I know? When you're dreaming, you can't always tell you're dreaming. FML.

But not really. I think I like making absurd lists because it's fun.I'll never have to wonder which books I'd take to a desert island. I'm confident about which concert I'd go to in all of history (if I had a TARDIS). And, I can even imagine my life if i were to start over at age 5. It's fun, it's innocent, and it's honest. Good for you if you can also do it.

Thanks, again, for reading my sometimes incoherent ramblings.


Sunday, December 7, 2014

My Favorite Western Movies

I have strong opinions about Michael Brown and Eric Garner. But, as a creative writer, I don't want to write about it anymore.So, with respect, and probably lacking sensitivity, I'd rather blog about my favorite western movies. I only care about two people getting pissed at me.One is my wife, the other is my one-year-old son. If you have a problem with me, take it up with them.

Netflix recently added a movie I love. I have been dying to get Kate to watch it. She hasn't yet, so I put it on to watch by myself. I dare you to guess which movie it is. So, this is a list of my favorite ten western movies. I'm not saying they're the best, just that they are my favorites.

Also, I have a capgun that my wife hates that I play with. I pull it out when watching my favorite action shows. My toy only comes out after she's asleep. (And my son has to be asleep, too. He has to figure out how much fun a toy gun can be on his own.)

In no particular order-

-The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
-The Quick and the Dead
-The Magnifecent Seven
-The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
-Back to the Future III
-Wyatt Earp
-The Outlaw Josey Wales
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

I dare anyone to guess my favorite of these ten movies, and which of them I am currently watching. I bet even my wife can't guess my favorite. Have fun.