Monday, December 8, 2014

Western Movies Part II

After my last post, my wife suggested I write next about what makes a good western, and why I like to make lists. Both are great suggestions. The former is easy, that latter makes me feel uncomfortable. I'll explain.

What factors make a western movie good? It's a very simple formula.

First, lots of guns. In any good western everyone is packing heat. Whether or not they ever fire their weapon is irrelevant. Carry a gun, be ready for a brawl at any time. (Sometimes, even preachers are carrying a gun.)

Explosions. In this instance, the protagonist and antagonist don't really matter. Just blow some shit up. It might be a train car of coal. Maybe it's a barrel of oil. Maybe it's a gas can. It doesn't matter. Just shoot it, and make it blow up. Even if it's just a bomb or grenade, it's makes every western movie better.

Every western needs a great hero and villain. Batman needed the Joker. Doctor Who needs The Master. Sherlock needed (or needs, depending on the version) Moriarty. I realize none of those are westerns, but the rule still applies. You can't be a soldier if there is no enemy. So you have to make them brilliant. It's called point/counterpoint.

Lastly, there has to be a pretty girl/woman. In some of the best westerns the woman is dead and the hero is going for revenge. Sometimes the girl is kidnapped. Sometimes she is at home hoping her cowboy comes home safely. It doesn't matter. Most often, our hero is fighting for something, and it's usually a girl.

Oh, and the good guy should win. That's not a rule, just a suggestion.

Looking at my list, I have to give an honorable mention to Django Unchained, and Open Range. Neither made my list, but they were both damned close.

Regarding why I like to make lists about nonsense; I'm not sure.

Thinking like an FBI profiler, I can guess.

I like the feeling it gives me to be able to complete something. In real life, I don't always finish. (That's not a sex thing.)

John Cusack made lists in High Fidelity. I love that movie.

Making lists creates order, when sometimes the world is chaotic.

A person that makes these types of lists is insecure about his future or his current status.

Making lists about the abstract allows a person to ignore or brush aside reality.

I should have been  an FBI profiler. I'm very clever It takes a certain level of crazy to be able to profile yourself. I might have done a good job, but how would I know? When you're dreaming, you can't always tell you're dreaming. FML.

But not really. I think I like making absurd lists because it's fun.I'll never have to wonder which books I'd take to a desert island. I'm confident about which concert I'd go to in all of history (if I had a TARDIS). And, I can even imagine my life if i were to start over at age 5. It's fun, it's innocent, and it's honest. Good for you if you can also do it.

Thanks, again, for reading my sometimes incoherent ramblings.


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