Sunday, September 28, 2014

Premiere Week Part III - Bones, Person Of Interest, Chicago Fire, Selfie, Utopia

Before I get into reviewing the shows I have the most thoughts and feels about from this week, I have a few interesting factoids to share.

1. My wife is already so sick of television, because of me, that she doesn't even want to watch the shows she likes.

2. I usually check my journal before writing a blog post about television. That was totally useless. All of my thoughts ended up on twitter, @JasonJoelSmith FYI. Going back through my Twitter posts was also useless. If you follow me you understand. Most of my tweets are minutiae.

3. Out of the 49 shows I plan to watch, or give a try, most of them were not memorable.

Usually, I hate every reality show that doesn't involve cooking, singing, or at least some kind of talent. (America's Got Talent is garbage. It's not even proper grammar for a show title. It should be America Has Talent.) But, I'm a little bit addicted to Utopia. Every person in Utopia so some dumb, I can't wait for winter. I think they might all die of exposure. Except for Red. He's fine by himself.

Apparently, the premiere was this week. Thanks, Hulu, for letting me watch the pilot on some sort of sneak preview. I feel, (feel statements), like I should automatically like anything with John Cho and Karen Gillan. For crying out loud, it's a show about Sulu vs. Amy Pond. It's kind of funny, but a little bit heavy handed with the My Fair Lady homage. Karen plays Eliza Dooley. Audrey Hepburn played Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. Karen is hot, but she'll never be Hepburn hot. I expect cancellation around episode 7.

Chicago Fire
6 weeks? Really? I've never gotten over a an ex girlfriend in 6 weeks. I'm with Severide. If I'm coming back to 51, all of Chicago better be on fire. I can't believe they killed off Shay. I actually tweeted, "If Shay is really dead, I'm going to freak out."
 We knew someone was going to die, after last season's finale. My only prayer was that it wouldn't be Shay, Severide, or Casey. @DickWolf, you're an asshole.

Person of Interest
POI is my favorite premiere this week. Reese and Shaw are now detectives, a fabulous homage to Carter. Harold Finch has no interest in helping anyone. Fusco is confused. Elias is sort of a good guy. #spoilers I won't go into plot details, but this could replace NCIS as my favorite show.

If POI was my favorite premiere, Bones was a damned close second. Bones had the best finale from last year of every show. In case you didn't watch it, three special forces soldiers came to the Booth/Brennan household. Booth killed them all, and then got sent to jail for killing federal agents sent to serve a warrant. (Yea, ok. So how come their whole house was destroyed?) The entire episode was about unveiling the conspirators, and then, #spoilers Sweets got killed for getting too close. My feelings can best be explained by a quotation from my wife. "I never want to watch the show again. The other characters are all stupid."

I won't quit any show after only an ep. But the death of Shay and Sweets make me want to kick the lead writers of Chicago Fire and Bones in the nuts.

Thankfully, it's the beginning of the premiere season. Episode two of every show might be better. In the meantime, thanks for reading.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Premiere Week Part II

Kate asked me if I stopped at "H" because I didn't have a show that started with "I", "J" or "K".  Truth be told, 26 divided by 3 is 8 with 2 remaining. I was planning on breaking up my shows by letter, into three parts, but there aren't that many shows after "H". So here's the rest of the best.

J - Justified
I just started watching it on Amazon Prime. I knew in the first five minutes that it was my kind of show. Sarcasm, guns, and cowboy hats; yes please.

L - Last Man Standing
Best show on Friday night. Tim Allen is still hilarious.

M - Madam Secretary
Tea Leoni is brilliant, and still hot. But really, the show isn't all that good.

N - NCIS: New Orleans
The discussion is over. Everything Scott Bakula does is amazing.

P - Person of Interest
Possibly the best show on television. I miss Tariji Henson.

S - Scandal
Not happy. Harrison Wright deserved better.

T - The Tonight Show
The best thing Rahm Emanuel has done was to trick Jimmy Fallon into bringing it to Chicago.

U - Utopia
I hate most reality shows. I think every person on the show would die,  if left to their own skills.

W- The Walking Dead
I miss zombies. Ready for this show to come back.

I couldn't mention every show for every letter. I did my best. If anyone can think of a show for X, Y or Z, I'll take you out for a beer. Thanks for reading, talk to you later.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Premiere Week Part I

In case some how you have read my blog, and don't know that I'm about to go crazy for next week, I'm about to lose my mind for premiere season. All of my shows start next week. If you don't know what I'm excited about, you can check my previous blog posts. Plus and minus a few shows, they are mostly on my list.

In the interest of keeping my blithering to a minimum, I'm going to list my shows A through Z. Each show will get around two sentences describing my thoughts on the upcoming season. After I'm finished, I'll go back through the shows that weren't the top show for a letter, and any shows I may have forgotten. I'll point out the shows that I quit watching.

If I forget anything, feel free to let me know. I am free to ignore you, or tell you I just don't care.

A -Arrow
For once in a DC show, The Hero should go and get the smart,hot girl. Ollie and Felicity belong together.

B - Bones
Have a fun time legally explaining the carnage of serving a warrant into the house of an FBI Special Agent, and the world's leading forensic expert. Caroline is going to rip you apart in the courthouse, then Booth is going to kill you.

C - Castle
Castle probably has a tracer on him. You're in serious trouble when Beckett finds you. And then, they better issue Castle a service weapon.

D - Doctor Who
I like Capaldi, and I still like Jenna, as Doctor and Companion. For cryin' out loud, write some better episodes.

E - Elementary
If Sherlock and Joan don't get back together on a case , I'll punch you myself. Sherlock and Watson is the basis of the show. Get them back working together.

F - Flash
Yes. Yes, please.

G - Gotham
Anything Batman = winner.

H - Hawaii 5-O
Jorge Garcia and Chi McBride are permanent characters now. Challenge them, I dare you.

This isn't a perfect description of what I'm watching next week. But, DAMN, that's a pretty strong A-H. I'm sure I can't follow up that list with I-P. I'm also sure that my whole schedule is screwed up, because I'll be watching the Bears on Monday Night Football. I'm sure I'll live-tweet some of the game, so check me out.


Sunday, September 14, 2014

A Letter to The American Giants

Dear American Giants,

First, I'd like to thank you all for a great year. In fact, it's the best year The American Giants have ever had. We worked very hard the past couple of years to put the pieces of this team together. Some of you have been around MLB for a good amount of time, some of you are relatively new. But, all of you have delivered.

Albert, and Adam deserve special recognition, As our team captains, you both have done tremendous jobs as captains. Al, I'm taking you out for a beer when the season concludes. Together we're gonna tell all the naysayers, talking about age and diminishing skills, exactly where they can put their predictions. Adam, if they don't give you a Cy Young for this season, they should shut the whole thing down.

That said, I need a little more from The American Giants. Al, hit home runs like you did at Minute Maid Park. Homers that end up in orbit. Nellie, hit like you were still on the juice. Buster, don't go 5 for 5. Go 5-5 with a couple of dingers. Charlie, I need you to hit for the cycle.

Guys, we're losing slugging percentage. This should not happen to a group of guys with this much ability. I know some of you are tired and bit dinged up. Fuck all that. Put that bat to the ball and go for extra bases. Make a single a double. Make a double a home run. But don't get thrown out being silly, because we have no margin for error.

Again, thanks. You're the best group of guys I've ever had the pleasure of managing. I haven't given up, and I don't want any of you to. So let's get to the big show, and show the ICA what we're made of.


The American Giants
Jason J. Smith
Stephen Weiland

Friday, September 12, 2014

#FantasySports #ICA #FantasyBaseball #FantasyFootball

I feel like it is absolutely necessary to preface this blog post about my #fantasybaseball and #fantasyfootball activity.

1. I suck at #FantasySports. I have never won a championship in any league, in any sport I have ever played in (baseball, football, basketball).
2. I have been playing fantasy baseball with the same group of friend since high school, fifteen years ago, I've never made the playoffs.
3. I've made the playoffs intermittently in fantasy football. It's much easier, in my mind, because each team only plays once per week.
4. Every other fantasy sport, besides baseball and football, is stupid.
5. The fantasy baseball league I am in is far more complex, to the point of insanity, than any you have heard in any sport.
6. Fantasy discussion is extremely boring to those not initiated. If that's you thanks for reading this far. You may go now.

Fantasy Football (briefly)

Past the #ChicagoBears, I know/care very little about football. I know even less about fantasy football.

I'm in a "Couples' League" with my wife and some close friends. Our team name #ElCunado. You will only understand this team name if you've watched the #FX show #TheLeague. We do alright in the league, pretty much only because we watch #NFL on Sundays, and I'm never in fantasy baseball playoffs, so I never have that to distract me when the draft comes around. This year my wife didn't add me as co-manager until late, so we ended up auto drafting our entire time. She was in bed for the night. I was probably taking care of a screaming infant, or watching #FallonTonight #TheTonightShow, or dozing on the couch with reruns of #Stargate on the television. #Yahoo grade our draft as a B.

My other league is even less interesting. A friend needed a guy to join his work league and asked me. It didn't cost anything to join, and if I win, all I get is bragging rights. I actually participated in this draft even though it started on a Tuesday night at 11:30pm. That's what happens when you join a league of restaurant employees. Yahoo also gave this draft a B, though I think I did a little better than that.

Fantasy Baseball

Fantasy Baseball is really where I pay the most attention, despite it never having done me any good before this year. We hold live, yearly meetings for the Winter Meetings, the draft, and usually hang out at least a few times in-season. It started, I think, as a 6-team league, but since has evolved into a 12-team keeper league. Complete with league offices, co-managers, multiple meaningless trophies, and a #StanleyCup type trophy passed to the league champion every year, it is the most exhausting league you will ever lay eyes on. If you think I'm exaggerating, check out our comprehensive rulebook.

My team is called #TheAmericanGiants, named after the most successful Chicago baseball team in history, The American Giants, from the #AmericanNegroLeague.

I've never been good, but this year I finished with the second best record in the league, made the playoffs and am now on the verge of making it to the finals with two days left in the current playoff round. Much credit goes to my good friend Stephen, who I hired as my Director of Player Personnel. He used to have a successful franchise in our group but left to concentrate on more grown up stuff. (If you ask me, #GrownUpStuff is for suckers.)

He helped a ton getting me into the playoffs, but we had a different opinions as how to handle the team once we got there. He prefers to play very conservatively. After getting an early lead, he thought we should bench the team, and ride it out to close conclusion, but a win, nonetheless. I preferred to ride the horses that got us here (yes, that was a horse racing reference), and #GoBigOrGoHome. After two days of fiddling back and forth with the roster, it looks like we were both right. I think his way, we'd have tied and won (higher seed wins the tiebreaker). And my way we'd have won by 3 or so points outright, but I've have been tempted to mess with the roster all week and possibly screwed myself. Our win, isn't set in stone yet, we still have 2 days of play left, but at least I'm looking right in the face of a championship series, something I have never done in my life.

I'll post again soon if we make the finals. In the meantime, if you're the praying type, say a prayer for the American Giants. If you also happen to be Catholic, #SaintSebastian is the patron saint of soldiers and athletes. Many call him the 'Patron Saint of Sports'. (Thanks #Google)

March on Chicago American Giants!

Saturday, September 6, 2014

How I Met Your Mother Part II

I thought I was done talking about this show #HowIMetYourMother #HIMYM. But apparently, I'm not done. The alternate ending to the show was leaked online. #CBS has yet to confirm or deny its authenticity, but it seems pretty real, and I'm going to treat it like it is real.

Before I tell you about the alternate ending, I'd like to share some of the alternate show titles that would have been more appropriate for the conclusion of the show.

How I Met Your Mother and Then She Died
How Your Mother Died
How I Met Your Mother and Chased Aunt Robin
How I Wasted Your Time
How I Asked Children Permission

Those were just a few of the ideas I had.

If this is, in fact, an alternate ending, I have to ask the question, "What were the writer/producers thinking?" This was WAY better than the aired ending. For me, a finale needs to wrap everything up. There shouldn't be a feeling of there's more to the story. It doesn't have to be happy, it doesn't have to be sad. It just has to be the end. The #HIMYM aired finale left me wondering what happened next with Ted and Robin. And that's not right.

The alternate ending, however, has no such ambiguity. After Ted leaves the wedding he meets the girl he was always destined to marry. They shared a yellow umbrella, she attended the Econ class he wasn't supposed to teach, and they went to the same club on some St. Patrick's Day.

"Funny how sometimes, you just find things."

 Tracy even met the rest of the #HIMYM group of friends before meeting Ted. Oh yea, the Mother's name is Tracy.

The point is, after almost a decade, when it's time to shut it down, it's time to shut it down. Please, just shut it down in a way that won't piss off everyone that watched the show.

Here's a link to watch the alternate ending.

As always, thanks  for reading. Good night, and good luck.