A Friend's Top Ten

I got into making lists probably because of "High Fidelity" and Nick Hornby, the author of the original book. As a result of me talking about my top five or ten of random entertainment, my friend, Kel made her own list of Top 10 Best Tv Shows of All Time.

http://thecoollife101.blogspot.com/2015/07/top-10-best-tv-shows-of-all-time.html

She's got good taste, but I'm a self-centered prick. Since I know better than everyone else, I'm going to write about it. #JustWrite

This is in no particular order.

Dexter
I didn't even get through the first season, I was so bored. It's on Netflix, but so are a lot of shows I'd rather watch.

The X-Files
It was one of my sister's favorite shows. I liked it, as well. The movies were nonsensical.

Doctor Who
I have nothing to say. It's been on-air for over 50 years. And it's awesome.

Seinfeld 
I'm re-watching it with my wife and it cracks me up. But 'Friends' was better,

Supernatural
Seriously? It's on my queue. I just always have something better to watch.

Once Upon a Time
I liked it. I fell behind,on the current season. Even though it's on Hulu, I still haven't bothered to catch up.

Star Trek
Every series was awesome, including Enterprise. I watch Star Trek almost every day. Enterprise and DS9 were on at 5pm on Saturdays Who watches tv then?

How I Met Your Mother
Your brother is totally cray. The ending was shit. I didn't watch watch all that for 'Mother' to die in the end. I'll challenge the 'The Big Bang Theory' is a better show.

Firefly
Yes. Yes. A million times yes.(That's what she said.)

Law & Order: SVU
I love SVU. But, I'd take NCIS anytime. NCIS is my current favorite show. I'm biased.

Finally, Ke's back ups.

Sherlock
The Office
Chicago Hope
Will & Grace

My backups.

The Walking Dead
Smallville
Friends
30 Rock

Ranking Kel's shows, I give her an 8 out of 10.
I get 10 out of 10.

My blog, my rules. Jason always wins.

Thank you for reading this. Remember the first rule, "The Doctor lies."

Top Ten Artists I Wish I had Seen Live

This is a follow up blog post to my last one about the worst movies of all time. As before, they are listed in no particular order. Some of them have explanations attached, some might not.

Led Zeppelin
Easily, one of the greatest rock bands of all time.

Jimi Hendrix
The Star Spangled Banner. Woodstock. The end.

Bob Dylan
Possibly the greatest song writer of all time.

Jay-Z
The eighth wonder of the world.

Eminem
In my opinion, the best rapper alive.

Beastie Boys
Kate and I tried to sneak into Lollapalooza to see them because we couldn't find tickets. We also couldn't find a way in.

Tom Petty
I'd like to see Tom Petty, but probably not as much he'd like to meet Sam Smith.

2Pac
Because he's Tupac.

Eric Clapton
Layla, acoustic. Layla, electric. Goodfellas. Enough said.

The Notorious B.I.G.
If it isn't Eminem, 2Pac, or Jay-Z, Biggie is the next best rapper ever.

The Foo Fighters get honorable mention. I was never a Nirvana fan. But Dave Grohl is a musical giant. I frequently piss off my wife because I tell her The Foo Fighters are more influential than Radiohead in music history. I might wrong, but I really enjoy antagonizing her. Sorry, Kate. I'm a dick.

Kate asked me if I was repeating blog topics. I wanted to give her a quick no, but I'd rather repeat a blog topic, than have to go back and re-read my own ramblings. So thank you. Email me if I already posted this list.

-J

Top Ten Worst Movies of all Time

I have to preface this list.

I'm sure there are worst movies than these ten. Hopefully, I haven't seen them. But this is a list of the worst ever that I have seen. If I forgot a crappy movie, feel free to shoot me a message so that I can amend the list. Also, these horrible movies are listed in no particular order.

Catwoman
Halle Berry is one of the most gorgeous women on Earth. Even she couldn't save this horrific farce of a movie.

Ghosts of Mars
John Carpenter may end up in cinema hell for this. I saw this one in the theatre, and I spent most of those two hours laughing. And, it's supposedly a horror movie.

Battlefield Earth
Cavemen somehow figured out how to fly harrier jets. Explain that one.

Wing Commander
I actually own this DVD. Freddie Prinze Sr. probably rolled over in his grave after watching this enormous piece of crap.

Never Been Kissed
Wow. Just, wow.

Gigli
If I were to rate my list, this could very well be the worst movie of all time. Everyone involved in this movie should be ashamed.

Elektra
I love movies based on comic book characters. But, no. This movie, just no.

Batman & Robin
Joel Schumacher. Giant plastic nipples. Arnold Schwarzenegger. A recipe for total disaster.

Superman IV
I don't even know what to say about this movie, except that it was slightly shittier than Superman III.

From Justin to Kelly
I don't know why I saw this movie. It's even worse than you would imagine from an American Idol based movie.

If you haven't seen these movies, I don't have the words to describe how bad they are. Some of them are such garbage you may want to see them just to have a frame of reference. If you do, I recommend Gigli or Battlefield Earth. Those are probably the worst. If you do manage to get through any of these rubbish movies, I'd love to hear your opinion on how terrible they are.

Oh, and I don't want to hear from anyone about how 'Never Been Kissed' wasn't that bad. Because it was God-Awful.

Thanks for reading. Hasta luego.

The 4th of July

"God Bless America!" "USA! USA! U-S-A!!!" "Shock and Awe" "America, FUCK YEA"

By birth, I am Black, Puerto Rican, and a New Yorker. Please don't hold my New York birth against me. I grew up as a Chicagoan. I am 1000% American. 4th of July celebrations are extremely annoying.

A couple of years ago, some punk kids across the street were shooting off fireworks. A roman candle damn near hit pregnant Katie as we decided to go inside. It missed us, but we decided after that to just avoid our street during the 4th. This year and last year weren't bad. Most of the fireworks were sent from other streets.

Also, in the noise, you can't always tell a gunshot from all the surrounding noise. Too many people, many of them children, get shot in major metropolitan areas. I don't understand violence as a means of celebration, but it happens.

So we decided to spare our toddler and puppy, and get the hell out of dodge.

My parents live in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's about 3 hours from us. I feel bad, because all I wanted to do was lay around and watch tv on my tablet. Thank you, to my parents and wife for putting up with me being a total sloth. Luckily, my mother was beyond eager to spend time with her grandson. She pretty much kicked us out of the house.
o
"You two should go to the movies or something. I'll take care of Isaiah. Go have fun."

I got Katie to go see 'Terminator Genisys' in the theatre. The rest of the visit we also watched 'Guardians of the Galaxy' and 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier', with me exclusively in my pajamas. Thanks, again to Mom and Kate for letting your boys do what they want. Sorry I didn't care about the Fort Wayne Philharmonic Orchestra.

We made quick time home. We pretty much relaxed for an hour, and then headed straight to the suburbs, to hang out with my brother, his wife and the complete madness that they had invited over for a bbq.

Kids everywhere. Terribly filled water balloons being thrown around. My brother completely stoned on too many allergy meds. Some dude that wouldn't ever stop talking his nonsense. One of the most obnoxious kid ever, threatening us grown-ups. My dog sick and tired of attention from the children.

My son was out of gas. and so were me, my wife, and dog. We left as they got ready to leave for the fireworks.

(BTW, my 30-year-old little brother was smoking a pipe. Kate hated the smell, and Rory, our dog, kept trying to eat the bag of tobacco.)

We got home and 'pretty much' all went to bed.

Today we had a birthday party for a 3-year old girl that started at 10:30. I had crazy dreams for the third time in four nights. I had no desire to wake up. According to Kate, I was talking in my sleep. But she also thinks I may have been responding to her, talking in her sleep. In my sleep, I woke her up asking for a lemonade, or something. She remembers offering me drinks in a dream, so at least I might not be completely crazy.

The toddler birthday party was different from my brother's. My friend, though mentally exhausted, was far more organized. My head would explode if I were to have that many toddlers in one place, at one time. But he has more space. And, I assume more money, but I don't ask people about how much they spend or earn. It's rude.

We finally got home, with nothing else we HAD to do. But, today in Chicago was absolutely perfect weather. 80 degrees, with a perfect sky. We hadn't had a chance to bust out the new baby pool, so we did it today. He was very cute, but wasn't happy that the dog wouldn't bounce around with him in the water.

It was a great weekend, but we're all exhausted. I'll share more pictures later. Here's one in the meantime.

Rory

It's been almost a month since my last post. It's not that I haven't had anything to say. I just haven't  known what I wanted to say or how to say it.

We really miss our little pain-in-the-ass, Pepper Potts. Sometimes Kate and I both accidentally curse, "DAMMIT PEPPER!' We miss her, but that doesn't mean that we don't love Rory.
.
I should have listened to the warnings about owning and training a puppy. But, I did not. Kate was most specific. "You don't know what you're getting us into." She was right, I didn't.

This little girl bites us. She barks or whines when we leave the room. She runs away when we let her pee off of the leash. She messes with Isaiah. She shits and pisses on the carpet. But, we love her. I love her (Katie is still on the fence).

1. She's an absolutely gorgeous dog. I have to say, she's cuter than Pepper.
2. She loves me.
3. She loves Isaiah.
4. She loves Katie.
5. She annoys my upstairs neighbor.
6. She cries when she knows Isaiah is upset.
7. She knows Katie is home even before Kate gets to the gate.
8. She cleans up Isaiah's food mess. (That's not that special, but at least I don't have to do it.)

I'd have made it a top ten, but I couldn't think of nine or ten.

We didn't plan on getting a new dog this soon. But the house didn't feel complete without a dog companion. I insisted that Rory join our family. I hope she's with us for the next decade. Sometimes she annoys Kate, but I think she agrees. We have the second best dog ever, and probably the most beautiful dog ever.

Rory and Heidi

I must confess. Salty, liquid, discharges just came from my eyes. Before writing about new pets, I had to go back and read my older posts, to make sure I wasn't being repetitious. I hate being such a sissy, but I do miss Pepper Potts, and I always will.

Katie, Isaiah, and I are blessed to have a new member join our family. "Rory" is a cockapoo, just over seven weeks old. She's amazingly cute. She gets along great with Isaiah. She loves to play. She can be a bit aggressive with her teeth, but she's still just a baby.

 

Isaiah looks pissed off in this picture, so I guess I should say, she "mostly" gets along with Isaiah. 

We had a tough time picking out a name for this little girl. Kate wanted cute names and I wanted names that had some kind of fun pop culture reference. The only reason we settled on "Rory" was because Kate suggested it, knowing I would think of "Doctor Who" and she would think of "Gilmore Girls". She knew it was a winner when she saw my face light up at the mention of it. Also, we've abbreviated as a nickname to "Ro". "Ro Laren" was a character in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation', so we got a triple cross-over, without meaning to.

I don't know what the bloody hell we/I were thinking getting a seven-week old puppy, to go along with our 17 month old toddler, and me, as a stay-at-home-dad. But I wouldn't trade either of my little shitheads for anything. Except maybe a six-pack and a bottle of whiskey. Even then, I'd take Isaiah and Rory. They're just too damned cute. 

If you read my blog regularly, (I'm not sure why you would), you'd know that my brother's family also lost their dog the same weekend. We're gonna miss Rosie. But on a positive side, we're happy to welcome 'Heidi' into the family. My niece, Graciana, was promised she could get a new dog when school was over. School is done tomorrow, so my brother has to go get this little girl.

She looks a little green to me, but I can't wait to meet her.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. But finally everyone has a place, and able to make a routine. I'll let you know when I get into a routine with a toddler and a puppy. I hope it's soon.

-J

My 5th Prom

Last night I went to Prom for the fifth time. Before you assume I'm a creep, understand that my wife is a teacher ends up as a chaperone. Also, this year a bunch or seniors that she's taught for a few years are graduating. It was important to her to give them a proper sendoff, and so, I got dragged along again.

Before I talk about prom, I have to mention that my son is being a huge dick today. He got to spend time with his Aunt Rachel, Grandma Carole, and Aunt Bekah and Uncle Jonboy. It was a long day for everyone, and so now he's wearing his 'Cranky Pants', as I refer to them.

My first prom was my senior year of high school. I wasn't dating anyone at the time so I went with a good friend. She was a year younger than I. Amusingly, when I went back to HS to see a play the next year, I'd dated almost the entire female cast.

Side note, my prom date's grandmother was a huge racist. She almost disowned my date for going to prom with a black guy. So that was fun.

My second prom was also at my high school, Willowbrook High School. I was dating a girl three years younger than I, and I was 21. Apparently, I like younger women. I wish you could see the look on our waiter's face at dinner. Having spent many years serving and bartending, it's not usual for someone to order alcohol at a prom dinner. I think he spent a whole five minutes examining my ID. I also had to get interviewed by a dean at my old school for permission to go to prom at my current age. That was weird because the dean was the same one that suspended me my sophomore year.

Third prom was with a friend from church. We went on a few dates but it was never serious. She was, and still is gorgeous. She's married to a good guy, made babies, and we and both of our families are still good friends 15 years later.

Actually, now that I think about it, third prom wasn't a prom. I think it was a homecoming. I'll have to message Laura or go through old pictures to be sure.

Fourth and fifth proms were both with my wife. The fourth was pretty fun. We sat at a table of all teachers and their significant others. We danced a little bit. We had fun. And we looked absolutely smashing. As we always do.

Prom number five was interesting, and that's not me saying I didn't have a decent time last night.

It was at the Marriott by Midway airport. In my mind, that meant if I needed a quick escape there would be a hotel bar to go hide.

Some punk tried to sneak gin in a cheap, plastic champagne glass.

One dude tried to hide from his teachers because he was so stoned. When he gave up and walked in, he reeked of weed so badly we all had to take a step back.

Another kid tried to smoke pot in the parking lot. As we were leaving one of Kate's teacher friends said, "I'm gonna go bust these kids." That's a paraphrase, but it was hilarious.

I thought I saw a couple of teenage lesbians walk in. They were actually twin sisters.

When I got bored of the lady teachers talking I left. I went to the hotel bar, had the bartender put on the White Sox game, and drank a couple of Sam Adams.

So it was fun. I would have liked to have slow danced with my girl. We had another place to be, and we were both missing our baby boy. We left after just over an hour.

We picked up Isaiah from my bro and sister-in-law's house around eleven. My brother was drunk as shit, and from the pictures we saw on Facebook, fell asleep on in the front yard, sitting by the fire. Thank God my sister-in-law is more responsible.

So those are my stories about prom. My wife promises it won't be my last one. That'll be my blog post this same time 2016.

-J