Saturday, May 23, 2015

My 5th Prom

Last night I went to Prom for the fifth time. Before you assume I'm a creep, understand that my wife is a teacher ends up as a chaperone. Also, this year a bunch or seniors that she's taught for a few years are graduating. It was important to her to give them a proper sendoff, and so, I got dragged along again.

Before I talk about prom, I have to mention that my son is being a huge dick today. He got to spend time with his Aunt Rachel, Grandma Carole, and Aunt Bekah and Uncle Jonboy. It was a long day for everyone, and so now he's wearing his 'Cranky Pants', as I refer to them.

My first prom was my senior year of high school. I wasn't dating anyone at the time so I went with a good friend. She was a year younger than I. Amusingly, when I went back to HS to see a play the next year, I'd dated almost the entire female cast.

Side note, my prom date's grandmother was a huge racist. She almost disowned my date for going to prom with a black guy. So that was fun.

My second prom was also at my high school, Willowbrook High School. I was dating a girl three years younger than I, and I was 21. Apparently, I like younger women. I wish you could see the look on our waiter's face at dinner. Having spent many years serving and bartending, it's not usual for someone to order alcohol at a prom dinner. I think he spent a whole five minutes examining my ID. I also had to get interviewed by a dean at my old school for permission to go to prom at my current age. That was weird because the dean was the same one that suspended me my sophomore year.

Third prom was with a friend from church. We went on a few dates but it was never serious. She was, and still is gorgeous. She's married to a good guy, made babies, and we and both of our families are still good friends 15 years later.

Actually, now that I think about it, third prom wasn't a prom. I think it was a homecoming. I'll have to message Laura or go through old pictures to be sure.

Fourth and fifth proms were both with my wife. The fourth was pretty fun. We sat at a table of all teachers and their significant others. We danced a little bit. We had fun. And we looked absolutely smashing. As we always do.

Prom number five was interesting, and that's not me saying I didn't have a decent time last night.

It was at the Marriott by Midway airport. In my mind, that meant if I needed a quick escape there would be a hotel bar to go hide.

Some punk tried to sneak gin in a cheap, plastic champagne glass.

One dude tried to hide from his teachers because he was so stoned. When he gave up and walked in, he reeked of weed so badly we all had to take a step back.

Another kid tried to smoke pot in the parking lot. As we were leaving one of Kate's teacher friends said, "I'm gonna go bust these kids." That's a paraphrase, but it was hilarious.

I thought I saw a couple of teenage lesbians walk in. They were actually twin sisters.

When I got bored of the lady teachers talking I left. I went to the hotel bar, had the bartender put on the White Sox game, and drank a couple of Sam Adams.

So it was fun. I would have liked to have slow danced with my girl. We had another place to be, and we were both missing our baby boy. We left after just over an hour.

We picked up Isaiah from my bro and sister-in-law's house around eleven. My brother was drunk as shit, and from the pictures we saw on Facebook, fell asleep on in the front yard, sitting by the fire. Thank God my sister-in-law is more responsible.

So those are my stories about prom. My wife promises it won't be my last one. That'll be my blog post this same time 2016.


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