Venting has to be first, because it was a long, pain-in-the-ass week, and it was a pain-in-the-ass Saturday. As a #StayAtHomeDad, Saturdays are supposed to be my easy day. The day that I get to relax while my wife takes the kid away, and I watch cartoons, or Star Trek or whatever, on Netflix.
It's my own fault. I forgot that today was the day that we were getting a new fridge, oven, and dishwasher installed. Earlier in the week, I also invited a friend over to hang out. She lived out of town, and hadn't met my son, a Padawan. (A Padawan is a very young Jedi in training.)
They were scheduled between three and five. Kudos, to my landlord for having his nephew here at five minutes to three, and being here at five minutes after three. #Sears didn't deliver until almost six! A single man doesn't care. I'm not a single man. I have a wife, a toddler, and a cockapoo that thinks she's bigger than she is.
Luckily, we were planning on grilling, and Chicago weather didn't screw us over. If it had rained or snowed, someone would have gotten a verbal ass-kicking. My landlord, his nephew, and the plumber were also not happy.
Now, I have a new matching fridge/dishwasher/oven set. If they had re-attached the door frame afterwards, everything would be perfect. If my son hurts himself being curious, there will be hell to pay.
I'm a Star Wars fan based on a lie.
I was five or six years old at the time. My parents left me with a babysitter. I don't know how old she was but I'd guess 16 or 17. I casually suggested we watch a movie, Star Wars.
"Are you allowed to see that?"
"Yea, I've seen it lots of times."
"Ok, than what's it about?"
(Luckily, apparently, she hadn't seen it yet. How a person hadn't seen Star Wars when they were over the age of 15 is beyond me.)
"The invaders come, and the Star Wars guys have to fight them off."
Seriously, that's what I said, the girl bought it, and I got to watch it for the first time. And I was so brilliant about my lie, and so excited about the movie, I went batshit crazy when my parents got home. I don't remember exactly what I said. But, it probably sounded like this.
"Mami, Daddy, I saw Star Wars and Luke got a lightsaber and then Obi Wan and Luke had to fight and then Han Solo Chewbacca had a ship and these aren't the droids we're looking for and R2D2 and C3PO and Luke and lightsabers and the force!"
How could anyone get angry at a child for that? It's cute as hell, and I fully expect my boy to do the same thing to me. (I fully expect my mother hopes my son does the same thing to me.)
I can't wait for Star Wars Episode VII, and as always thanks for wasting your time, reading.