Premiere Season 2019

Hello, again.

This is a super annoying post, because 1: It's been a long time since I've posted, and 2: My tablet is being difficult, so I'm posting via my cell phone. So, we'll see if my notebooks are sufficient references.

Every show I'm trying keep track of will get a brief review and maybe a letter grade. Thanks for reading/following.

Seal Team/S.W.A.T- SWAT is a slightly better show but honestly, if you've seen one, you've seen them both. Just decide whom you like better. Angel/Bones or Criminal Minds. They both get a C+, for being unoriginal.

The Neighborhood- Still very cliche, but worth 24 minutes. The 2nd episode was better, and Beth Behrs is one bad, white ,bitch. B

9-1-1- Great cliffhanger premiere. I'm watching anything with Jennifer Love Hewitt, but
Angela Bassett and Aisha Hinds steal every scene. Props to the Black women! B-

All Rise- Probably the best new show on TV. I give it a B+, it's only lost points because I don't believe a judge in 2019 could ever be that liberal. I don't care if she's a black woman. It's not realistic.

Bull- B-. Bull is unlikable, Michael Weatherly is jammed up in real life, and there's no way they get a cab in New York City that quickly. But I still love the show.

NCIS- Ziva lost her bloody mind. We don't leave our people behind, and there's no way Ziva and Gibbs don't have an arsenal of weapons on stand by. A-, still one of the best shows on tv.

Emergence- This show is a piece of crap. The premise is inexplicable, the pacing makes no sense and the acting is barely passable. D

Empire- A. Terrence and Tariji get the Emmy's right now. Also, I love the fact that they wasted no time explaining Jussie Smollett's series exit. "He ran off to London. End of story." Solid A.

Mixed-ish- Nope. "Grown-ish" is unwatchable, so it's no surprise that the other "Black-ish" spinoff is terrible. Zack Morris nostalgia isn't enough. I'm Black and Puerto Rican, my son is Black Puerto Rican, Welsh, and Sicilian. Our level of mixed-ish can't  save this dumpster fire. F

Treadstone- Meh. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. I'll give it a shot because I like Brian Smith (Stargate), and the Bourne series. A-

Black-ish- Marsai Martin (Diane) continues to steal every scene. Black-ish is still one of the best comedies on tv. Morpheus has a new wife. B+

Fresh Off the Boat- Consistently hilarious. I wish the entire cast were my cousins, and Constance Wu was my ex wife (Crazy Rich Asians). A

Stumptown- Cobie and Jake are amazing, I could imagine this show going for 7 years. Only question is, how much violence could happen in the middle of the day, in the middle of the street, with nobody noticing? A

FBI- Great twist having a Muslim bombing a Muslim owned restaurant. I have a crush on Missy Peregrym. B

The Masked Singer- This is one of the dumbest, most entertaining shows ever.Who is the celebrity masked singer?  Turn your brain off and enjoy it. B+

Chicago Fire- They killed off Otis. I'm not happy. But the "OneChicago" crossovers are epic. (Even though I don't like medical dramas.) A

Chicago PD- Adios, Anne Heche. I will not miss your character. Jason Bethe is a BMF. A

The Good Doctor- Shaun is an autistic surgeon, but I find him more agreeable than most people I know. It must feel so liberating to outwardly dislike people sans regret. B-

Saturday Night Live-  Woody was mildly entertaining, Billie Eilish kinda boring. The best part was, by far, Keenan impersonating Bug Papi for 'Weekend Update'. "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you wanna kill the person who tried to kill you." B-

Blue Bloods- My favorite show on TV. Solid stand alone episode, but Callie Thorne plays an extremely annoying, wackjob, psychic again. B+

Magnum- Higgins is one bad bitch. I hope she sticks around as Magnums's partner. Katsumoto spends the entire episode pissed off at Magnum, but delivers one of the best lines of all my shows. "Leave, before I arrest you for giving me a migraine." A

Hawaii 5-O- Scott Caan should be in every episode, if only so Steve can say "Book 'em Danno." Otherwise it was a totally forgettable one and done episode. C+

God Friended Me- I have no idea how this terrible show, with a terrible title, lasted a full season, let alone renewed for a second season. Spare yourself the wasted 42 minutes and do absolutely anything else. F+

NCIS:LA- "I love it when a plan comes together." Kensi Worth it if only for the A-Team reference. Also a pretty action packed episode. B

The Rookie- Quickly becoming one of my favorite shows. Nathan Fillion is amazing. It is also quickly going to make no sense if this old rookie doesn't  make detective in the next season. And his new training officer has got to go. I hate her.

Thanks for reading/following. Watch one of my shows and tell me your thoughts. I promise to get back to you sooner or later. Buenas noches.

-j

Spoilers

It's been a minute since I've posted, but with all of the sci-fi madness going on I had some thoughts about spoilers. Please, everyone stop complaining about spoilers. If you want to completely avoid spoilers, it's very simple, and totally impossible. Just turn off all of your internet compatible devices, your tv, and don't speak to anyone, until you've watched whatever it is you don't want spoiled. If you can't do that, do everyone a favor, and QUIT YOUR BITCHING!

That said, here are some spoilers. If you don't like it, go live under a rock, and stay there until, I don't know, forever.

#SpoilerAlert 

If your life has been ruined by spoilers, your life sucks. Start over.

1. Sam never leaps home. #QuantumLeap

2. He's dead the whole movie. #The6thSense

3. Gilligan and the castaways get home for 2 minutes and ge re-stranded. #GilligansIsland

4. It's Jack's dream. #Lost

5. Time travel and stuff. #Endgame

6. Kevin and Winnie don't end up together. #TheWonderYears

7. Vader is Luke's father, Leia is his sister, she has a kid with Han, the kid kills Han. #StarWars

8. It was all just about playing catch with his dad. #FieldOfDreams

9. I inherit the Iron Throne, black-a-Rican from Chicago. #GameOfThrones

10. Jesus dies, but comes back. #TheBible

Sorry I spoiled your life. Please feel free to never contact me about it. But, thank you for spending a minute reading my blog. Until next time, in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

-J

Designated Hitter

I didn't plan on making a blog post. But, a buddy tagged me on social media, I responded, and then decided my response was worth sharing. Follow Mike on twitter @procm2 or Mike Prochaska on FB.

 The reason you remember these great examples of pitchers hitting (Wood) is because it's anomalous. His career batting average is .171. So despite every dinger he got, he failed to get on base 1/5th of the time, and struck out a third of those. And he's one of the better hitting pitchers. 

I'm not totally on board for the DH in the NL. I think the league differences make the game more interesting. 

But if there has to be a change, only 2 things make sense. Eliminate the DH completely (never gonna happen), or integrate it into the NL.

But seriously, just leave it be.

That was my response to a friend's post. Now, you get my add-on thoughts about the DH.

It's called "specialization". It occurs in every profession. I am professionally a Stay at Home Dad, and a bartender. I also dabble as a homechef. My brother installs and repairs garage doors. My wife teaches high school English. My brother is not gonna quote Shakespeare. My wife is not gonna make a 'Moscow Mule'. And I, sure as shit, am not fixing anyone's garage.

In baseball, you don't expect your third baseman to pitch. Your catcher doesn't just jump in at shortstop.You sure don't burn a starting pitcher to start at second base or maybe outfield, though it happens in an emergency. If you might be a hundred pound slugger, be a DH. If you can throw a 100 mph fastball and a curverball that falls off the table, become a closer. If you can throw 200 pitches for strikes you're a starter. That's what they pay too much money to do. And it's hilarious when they're asked to step outside their lane. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v31OsQ3osWw

Side note, after that pitiful excuse for a Superbowl, I'm very happy that pitchers and catchers report to spring training tomorrow.

Mahalo, 

Jason

If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor

I never wanted to be an actor. In junior high school, and high school, you could most expediently find me on the basketball court, tennis court, the weight room, or the track. I actually thought that my 5'6", 130 lbs, black ass could play any professional sport. Obviously, I was delusional. After reality caught up with my athletic ambition I went back to the arts, joining show choir, theatre, and other artsy-fartsy stuff that would never earn a paycheck. That's when I remembered that English, Spanish, and Physics were the only classes I ever enjoyed. (I should have been a writer on Star Trek.)

So in college, I decided I wanted to be a writer. Clearly, I meant, "I like writing, I'm going into the service industry." I'm an unemployed bartender now. But I like to write fiction in my head, for instance, "If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor". So, since barely anyone is gonna read this anyway, and a good friend, chasing his dream, is in town from California, I thought I'd share my thoughts on "If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor". Keep in mind, I'd rather be a writer than an actor, and I have no desire to be an actor. But, if I did, the following are 13 famous roles that would be absolutely perfect for me.

In no particular order:

-Jules Winnfield 

An angry, cursing, black dude? I can do that. "Say 'What' again, motherfucker."

-Willy Wonka

The Gene Wilder version, not the Depp version. The somersault at the the beginning, and the rant about Charlie cheating at the end. Both are very me.

-Daddy Warbucks

Long before the black version of Annie, I think I'd have given Jamie Foxx a run for his money. (I'm very arrogant.)

-Morpheus

Easy peasy. Hands behind my back, and use a deep version of my voice.

-Marty McFly

Skateboarding, wannabe rockstar. The only hard part would be re-casting every other character so that there are more black people. Or any black people (besides Mayor Wilson).

-Burton Guster

"Gus" from Psych had zero tolerance for white people nonsense. I could play that role by accident.

-Ironman

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." All I need is more smarts, more money, more money, and more money.

-Chandler

A sarcastic, asshole. I can do that.

-Doc Holliday
Drink first, smart-ass comment second, fastest pistol in the west third. Sounds like me, if I had a gun.

-Dre Johnson

I have to remind some of my friends that I'm Black and Puerto Rican. No joke, one of my closest friends through jr. high and high school thought I was Mexican until college.

-The Scarecrow

I'd never be as good as Michael Jackson in 'TheWiz', but I bet my "If I Only Had a Brain" would merit a high school TONY award.

-Vizzini
My favorite movie, and the most obnoxious character ever. My wife can attest to this one.

-Henry Hill
Goodfellas, "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." Thankfully, I know I'm not as smart as I think I am, and I'm not as stupid as Henry.

Honorable mention,
-Fred Sanford
Zero chill, zero filter, and prone to exaggeration.

What do you think? Can you think of any other characters I could portray? Comment below or text me.

Thanks for reading, and "If it wasn't for the Bronx this rap shit never would be going on."

-J

Top 10 Albums of All Time

A long-time, sometimes, friend of mine sent me one of those challenges on Facebook. Share your top ten favorite albums of all time in any order, post a picture, explain nothing, and tag ten friends. Well, I don't always follow directions the first time they are given, so...

1. If the Big Ten college conference can be comprised of 14 schools, my top ten can have 14 albums in it. 

2. I'll post as many pictures as I feel. As I write this, it could be none, and it could be 20. I might throw some pictures in that have nothing to do with anything.

3.I'm going to explain all of the albums right now, and maybe some individually. These are the first albums that popped into my head. I won't say that they are amazing pieces of art, but each one means something very important to me. Maybe it defined a specific time of my life. Maybe it shaped the way I think of music. Maybe I once traveled back in time and got to see this album being recorded, or concert performed. Whatever it meant to me, it meant to me. I can change this list at any time, but this is what popped into my head, at one moment in time.

4. Easter Eggs - "Easter Eggs" are a film reference, where the producer slips in tiny references to other things he likes for the audience to notice, or not notice. I may do that. Or not do that.

5. Piss off if you don't like the order.

6. I'm not tagging 10 friends. Or 14. For me and most of the friends I'd tag, this would cause a major source of anxiety. Proof of this, I'm writing at almost one o'clock in the morning.

1. The Foo Fighters- Skin and Bones

One of the best live albums of all time.

2. Tupac- All Eyez on Me

3. Dave Matthews Band- Busted Stuff

4. Dave Matthews Band- Crash

5. Weezer-

6. DC Talk- Jesus Freak

7. Huey Lewis & The News Greatest Hits

You're gonna have to go back to the 80's for this one...

8. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers Greatest Hits

9. Jimi Hendrix- Band of Gypsies

10. Norah Jones- Come Away With Me

11. The Killers- Hot Fuss

12. Jay-Z

13. Dashboard Confessional

14. Jay-Z and Linkin Park- Collision Course

My vinyl copy, thanks to my baby brother.

14. Rage Against the Machine- The Battle of Los Angeles

15. Michael Jackson- HIStory 

#GOAT

Now, I'm not saying that these are the greatest albums of all time. I'm not saying that if you don't agree you have crappy taste in music, and are probably stupid. I'm not saying you belong in music hell. But, "There ya go."

There ya go,

J

Premeire Season 2017 Part 1

Every year I try to write a blog post reviewing the season premieres of all the shows I watch, or am starting. This year is a little ridiculous, even foSr me. Hulu watch lists couldn't even keep up with me.

With new shows, shows changing nights, and some shows getting cancelled at the last minute, not even I care enough to write something about each one. So, instead, I decided to just do a gradebook for my shows, with maybe a sentence about any show that might need explanation. So, here it is.

The Orville, B-. All of the plot lines are ripped off from Star Trek, but Seth MacFarlane makes it funnier and fresh. 

Star Trek Discovery, C+ Ok premiere, but I'm not paying money to watch the following episodes.

Gotham, A

The Brave, A-

The Good Place, B

Bull, B

The Good Doctor, A The first medical show I've enjoyed since... ever.

Lethal Weapon, C It's gotten better since the season premiere.

Kevin (probably) Saves the World, A

Chicago PD, A+

Law & Order SVU, A-

NCIS, B

Designated Survivor, B+

Marvel's Inhumans, C

Saturday Night Live, C+

The Gifted, B

Young Sheldon, C+

Brooklyn 99, B

Seal Team, A-

Empire, B+

Chicago Fire, B

The Last Ship, B Doesn't matter because the show already got cancelled.

MacGyver, C+

Hawaii 5-O, A+

Blue Bloods, A

Criminal Minds, A-

NCIS LA, B

Black-ish, B-

Fresh Off the Boat, B-

Madam Secretary, B+

Once Upon a Time, D This show has gone off the rails. I said so, and some ex fans of the show responded, "That's still on?" Guess I didn't get the memo.

Wisdom of the Crowd, A Nice to have Jeremy Piven back on tv.

The Flash, C

Supergirl, B

Legends of Tomorrow, D+ This show is going to be gone soon.

White Famous, B+ Smart, funny show, but it's on Showtime. I doubt I'll ever see the second episode before it gets cancelled.

S.W.A.T, A+ 70s show, gets remade into a crappy action movie, then gets remade into the best new cop show of the year. Yes, please.

Me, Myself, and I, B I'm gonna miss Bobby Moynihan on SNL, but this show is smart and funny. Because I like it, it'll probably get cancelled by Christmas.

Drop the Mic, D- DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!

Stranger Things, A Only disappointing because there isn't more to watch at the end of the short season.

Mindhunter, A+ Great Netflix show. Wish there were more episodes.

Final note; Valor, The Brave, Seal Team, and SWAT are all pretty similar shows. Here's what distinguishes them. Valor isn't very good. SWAT takes place in an American city (LAPD). And, Seal Team is better than The Brave.

Final, final note; I'm still behind on The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones, so I have no thoughts on them yet.

To anyone that actually read this, thank you. I pray for you.

-J

One of those "Stay At Home Parent" Days...

Long time, no blog post. I've been busy with the new routine that comes with my son, Z, now attending preschool, a new house, and my wife working at a new job. She's still teaching, but at a different school. At the great suggestion of another stay at home dad, twitter handle @procm2, here's the madness that happened today. (Side note, I've switched to calling my son "Z" to lessen his presence on social media.)

It started yesterday, which should have been a warning to me. Tuesdays always suck for some reason. My son, Z, came home from pre-k with his winter coat literally safety pinned together, because the zipper broke. I thought I repaired it when we got home, and he wore it normally this morning when we left for school. When I picked him up it was zipped to the neck, with all of the zipper prongs below undone. He looked like a movie stereotype, Mexican gangster, in one of those thug flannels. And, it's cold, and were walking. No carpool today. But that's skipping the rest of the morning.

Little background here. I'm not a morning person, neither is Z, and neither is Rory, our puppy. Z is also getting over a nasty cold. Mucus everywhere, tantrums, and general acting out all morning. 

My wife leaves early in the morning and our usual routine is that he comes to bed in the morning with me. He can have his "tiny screen", a kindle fire, to play games or watch cartoons, while I try to sleep another hour or two. Not today. Today he suddenly didn't know how to work the Kindle, go the the bathroom, or do anything without a long winded, incoherent, toddler speech. So we got up early.

Next came Z's issues, combined with Rory The Dog issues. Z wanted to play with Rory, Rory didn't want to play with anyone. When that happens, Z gets frustrated. Starts yelling at me and the dog, throws dog toys at the dog, hits the dog, and hides from me because he knows that behavior is unacceptable. I told Z that if he didn't stop, Rory was going to bite him, I'd let her, and I wasn't going to kiss any boo boo's.

Then it was time to get ready for school. I didn't put enough jam in his cottage cheese. Tantrum. I chose the wrong socks. Tantrum. I picked the wrong pants. Tantrum. I put Rory in the backyard. Tantrum. 

So I went out to bring the idiot dog back inside before we walk to school (no carpool today). Our yard isn't that big, but has anyone ever tried to chase a small dog, breeded for herding? I damn near just left her out there to be cold and hungry. When I did get her inside, Z was upstairs. He emptied a box of tissues all over the place, because he knows Rory will eat them, and it's bad for her. He also pushed a chair down the stairs, because he knows he's not supposed to move furniture. Last phase of leaving for school was two tantrums. He suddenly couldn't keep his gloves on properly, and he didn't want to wear a warm hat. He had to wear a ballcap because I was wearing a ballcap.

Jump to pre-k pickup. His coat zipper is totally useless (read above), his ballcap is missing, and he's pissed because we're not carpooling with his best friend. Walking home I asked him what he wanted to eat when we got home. I gave him a bunch of options, all of which he said both Yes and No to. Get home and he doesn't remember what food he wanted. And, because he's whining, tired, and has a cold his responses were unintelligible to me. Tantrum.

Home. Eat. Toddler nap. Mommy comes home. Now we have to get ready for my friend (T) coming to stay over for the night. T is Z's godfather, and I've known him for almost 30 years. I'd already handled the kitchen,  and some of the straightening around the house. Still to be done is setting up a guest bed, cleaning the bathroom, and finishing the straightening before T arrives and wife and Z go to bed. Somehow, while wife and I finish, Rory found some tissues to eat, and Z ran the toilet paper roll from the bathroom to almost his closet.

K goes to bed. T arrives. Me, T, and Z hang out for a bit. Day is over.

Let me be clear. I love being a stay at home dad. I don't always know what I'm doing, but it's the best job I've ever had. Sometimes it's frustrating, and sometimes I want to jump out of a window. But, it's rewarding beyond compare.

@procm2 also suggested I send out advice or tips out to other at home parents. The truth is, I'm forever trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. But here's my 2 cents.

1. Follow my parent friends on twitter. I'm @JasonJoelSmith , just scroll though my friends, posts, groups, and connections. They know more than I do.

2. Be patient. I don't know of anyone that got an instruction manual with their kids.

3. Stock up on your favorite alcohol for those moments when you get a moment of quiet time.

4. Parenting advice and $2.00 can get you a ride on public transportation. Only YOU know your kid.

5. Don't forget to eat.

Thanks for reading as always.

Good night, and good luck,

-J