Jay's Rules

Bienvenidos, and welcome to my first post using my new chromebook. My rulebook is inspired my life experience as a #BlackARican, Gibbs' Rules from one of my all time favorite tv shows, NCIS, and my experiences and facebook conversations as a #StayAtHomeDad and home chef. Some of them are redundant/repetitive, and some are about the same topics/issues.

Pay no attention to the order or numbering. They only have numbers so I can keep track of them. And, this proud Papa can legit say that my son, Isaiah, sometimes likes to quote them to me or his Mama.

- It doesn't matter who has the bigger stick. Just hit first, and hit last. 

-Toddlers lie.

- No one can afford to waste money. 

-Keep your friends close, your family closer, and enemies can just piss off. Keep them as far away as possible.

-If you don't know the rules, change the game.

-Always finish strong. 

-Family don't end in blood.

-Look them in the eyes, if you're actually listening.

-Quit while you're ahead. 

-Stay in your lane.

-Never play a game if you don't know the rules. 

-Your problems, are YOUR problems.

-The customer isn't always right. (In fact, the customer is usually full of shit.)

-Assume nothing.

-Always slice away from your body.

-Never trust anyone that doesn't trust you.

-Always trust your wife.

-We don't leave our people behind. 

-Taste everything you cook.

-If it's for family, go ahead and lie, cheat, and steal.

-Never stick your hands or nose where it doesn't belong.

-Always have stovetop handles towards the inside of the stove.

If you're anything like me, you don't always follow your own rules. But theses are the rules. Follow them. You may avoid pissing off the most important people in your life. 

Thanks for reading, and vaya con Dios!

*J

Batwoman

I know I promised to post parts 2 and 3 of  "Cancel, Renew, Bubble and Working My Last Nerves" shortly after I posted part 1. I still plan to. "Renew, Bubble, and My Last Nerves" are still on the agenda, but first I have to react an episode of 'Batwoman', and an article I read. Be forewarned. My thoughts and opinions will probably not be well received. Especially since I'm going to talk about gays and women, in television.

According to a mostly recent Gallup poll, (Summer, 2019), the average American guesses that around 20% of people identify as LGBQT or whatever. I guessed 10%. According to the same article, the actual number is closer 5%. For the sake of this conversation, I'm going to double that, to account for those still that choose to keep their orientation private. So let's call it, 1 out of 10 people are LGBQT.

My personal background and upbringing should confuse you. I'm Black and Puerto Rican. My wife is Sicilian and Welsh, our son is all of those. My sister married a white boy. My brother is half black, half white, married a white girl and made 5 kids. I'm conservative, Republicaan, but not a Trumper.

Are you caught up yet?

The articles I read explain the discrepancy between perception and reality. Over the past few years, it has become cool, trendy, and socially responsible to over-represent the LGBQT in popular culture. It's like, "Look at us producers! Look how 'woke' we are!

Here's where the whole thing falls apart. I'm a conservative, registered Republican, and I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION! Ellen, who I think is amazing, dswas the least entertaining right after she came out of the closet. We get it. Every other joke doesn't have to be a joke. It's lazy writing. Do better.

Batwoman, for cryin' out loud!!! Talk about heavy handed. This is the first episode after the Crisis, a 5 episode crossover event, spanning all 5 Arrowverse shows, and at least 6 other iterations of the DC Universe, culminating in them all joining forces in the last universe. And what do you  suppose the first new episode is about? Batwoman's sexuality. Really?

"I'm gay," will never in a the multiverse beat out "I'm Batman's cousin, and yesterday I helped saved the Justice League. #GetTheFuckOutOfHere

I don't care if you're a gay, Batwoman. I don't care if you live in a ghetto #BlackLightning. I don't care if you're a black woman raised by Vulcans. I don't care if you're a black, lady, ,Ghostbuster. I don't care if you're a fake blonde, mad-person in a derelict police box.

All I care about is the 30-60 minutes I'm gonna watch tv, and whatever extra sleep I can squeeze in over the next 2 months.

Cancel It, Renew It, On the Bubble, and 3 Franchises Working My Last Nerves: Part 1

To quote a famous American from Detroit, "Back to reality, oh there goes gravity..." If you read this blog and know me, you know at least these few things about me. 1) I write in my journals, or text myself almost daily. 2) I then promptly forget to blog about it. Please email, text, tweet, or contact me via social media "#JustWrite". I need the encouragement. 3) I watch A LOT of tv, and movies and it's one of my favorite things to talk or write about it.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I have around 80 programs saved on my DVR, and several others watchlisted on various platforms, ie HULU, CBS, Netflix, etc. Now, some of those are sports teams, and some are programs that are on every day like The Tonight Show and Sportscenter. But what I'm going to #JustWrite about now is the shows I think need to go away forever ASAP, the shows that need to be renewed ASAP, some shows on the bubble, and a few franchises that have been working my last nerves. I'll try and keep this to a reasonable length. Actually, scratch that. I'm gonna break it up into parts, because it's just after midnight, and I have to be up in 5 hours.

SHOWS THAT NEED TO GO AWAY

-Bob Hearts Abishola
I've only seen a few minutes of this show. But the title is stupid. The premise is tacky, cliche and probably offensive. And frankly, nobody has given a rat's ass about Billy Gardell since Mike & Molly. Even then, Melissa Mccarthy carried the show, and as a result she's a Hollywood leading lady, and Billy is, well, Billy.

-God Friended Me
Another example of an absolutely off-putting television series title. It screams "Hey, Millienals! We're aiming this show at you. Hey, everyone else! You will hate this. If it had been named "The God Account" possibly it would have been slightly less annoying. But even then, it'd still be a show about some millennial getting Facebook messages from God. Cancel this show yesterday.

-Supernatural
I actually love this show, and am #SPNFamily in the twitterverse. The 15th and final season is now winding down and let's be fair. There doesn't see to be much more story to tell, except for the final wrap up. So tell Jeffrey Dean Morgan to take a couple of days off The Walking Dead, and let's send the Winchester boys off to Tahiti for a much deserved and needed vacation. (But maybe not Tahiti. Not sure if Coulson #Avengers would sign off on Tahiti, but who cares since that's in the Marvel universe.)

-Evil
Here's a show about a forensic psychologist, an almost priest, and a computer nerd investigating demon possession and psycho-pathology. It needs to have a less absurd premise, or some humor. Because I already laugh about how stupid this show is, so they may as well do it on purpose.

-Emergence
A little girl is apparently some kind of artificial intelligence. There's a cover up about it. No part of this show makes sense, and it should have been cancelled after the pilot. I only still watch it because I'm curious to know if they'll just quit with no real ending, or if they'll come to their senses and wrap it up before a completely disastrous extra season.

-Grown-ish
Imagine a spinoff television show about obnoxious millennials. Now imagine you really like Black-ish, the show it spun off of. Now imagine every single character is 10 times more useless, and obnoxious than the most detestable millennial you've ever met. Lastly, imagine it's on Freeform, a cable channel that almost no one watches. And that's Grown-ish. It's appalling they could have filmed the pilot without saying, "Screw it. We'd rather spend our money on Gilligan's Island reruns.

-The 100
I read the books and have seen every episode of this CW show. I can still only vaguely explain what it's about. I think a bunch of the last remaining humans, that aren't the actual last remaining humans, crash land on the last habitable human planet, that isn't actually the last human habitable planet. Also, they can transfer their consciousnesses to other bodies using magic. Or something. I don't know.

That's gonna have to do it for now. Thinking about these terrible shows makes me tired. Tomorrow I will work on parts 2 and 3 of this post. Shows that need to be renewed, shows that are on the bubble of figuring out what they're doing, and some current franchises that I like but are really pissing me off.

Thanks, as always for reading, and

J

Premiere Season 2019

Hello, again.

This is a super annoying post, because 1: It's been a long time since I've posted, and 2: My tablet is being difficult, so I'm posting via my cell phone. So, we'll see if my notebooks are sufficient references.

Every show I'm trying keep track of will get a brief review and maybe a letter grade. Thanks for reading/following.

Seal Team/S.W.A.T- SWAT is a slightly better show but honestly, if you've seen one, you've seen them both. Just decide whom you like better. Angel/Bones or Criminal Minds. They both get a C+, for being unoriginal.

The Neighborhood- Still very cliche, but worth 24 minutes. The 2nd episode was better, and Beth Behrs is one bad, white ,bitch. B

9-1-1- Great cliffhanger premiere. I'm watching anything with Jennifer Love Hewitt, but
Angela Bassett and Aisha Hinds steal every scene. Props to the Black women! B-

All Rise- Probably the best new show on TV. I give it a B+, it's only lost points because I don't believe a judge in 2019 could ever be that liberal. I don't care if she's a black woman. It's not realistic.

Bull- B-. Bull is unlikable, Michael Weatherly is jammed up in real life, and there's no way they get a cab in New York City that quickly. But I still love the show.

NCIS- Ziva lost her bloody mind. We don't leave our people behind, and there's no way Ziva and Gibbs don't have an arsenal of weapons on stand by. A-, still one of the best shows on tv.

Emergence- This show is a piece of crap. The premise is inexplicable, the pacing makes no sense and the acting is barely passable. D

Empire- A. Terrence and Tariji get the Emmy's right now. Also, I love the fact that they wasted no time explaining Jussie Smollett's series exit. "He ran off to London. End of story." Solid A.

Mixed-ish- Nope. "Grown-ish" is unwatchable, so it's no surprise that the other "Black-ish" spinoff is terrible. Zack Morris nostalgia isn't enough. I'm Black and Puerto Rican, my son is Black Puerto Rican, Welsh, and Sicilian. Our level of mixed-ish can't  save this dumpster fire. F

Treadstone- Meh. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. I'll give it a shot because I like Brian Smith (Stargate), and the Bourne series. A-

Black-ish- Marsai Martin (Diane) continues to steal every scene. Black-ish is still one of the best comedies on tv. Morpheus has a new wife. B+

Fresh Off the Boat- Consistently hilarious. I wish the entire cast were my cousins, and Constance Wu was my ex wife (Crazy Rich Asians). A

Stumptown- Cobie and Jake are amazing, I could imagine this show going for 7 years. Only question is, how much violence could happen in the middle of the day, in the middle of the street, with nobody noticing? A

FBI- Great twist having a Muslim bombing a Muslim owned restaurant. I have a crush on Missy Peregrym. B

The Masked Singer- This is one of the dumbest, most entertaining shows ever.Who is the celebrity masked singer?  Turn your brain off and enjoy it. B+

Chicago Fire- They killed off Otis. I'm not happy. But the "OneChicago" crossovers are epic. (Even though I don't like medical dramas.) A

Chicago PD- Adios, Anne Heche. I will not miss your character. Jason Bethe is a BMF. A

The Good Doctor- Shaun is an autistic surgeon, but I find him more agreeable than most people I know. It must feel so liberating to outwardly dislike people sans regret. B-

Saturday Night Live-  Woody was mildly entertaining, Billie Eilish kinda boring. The best part was, by far, Keenan impersonating Bug Papi for 'Weekend Update'. "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you wanna kill the person who tried to kill you." B-

Blue Bloods- My favorite show on TV. Solid stand alone episode, but Callie Thorne plays an extremely annoying, wackjob, psychic again. B+

Magnum- Higgins is one bad bitch. I hope she sticks around as Magnums's partner. Katsumoto spends the entire episode pissed off at Magnum, but delivers one of the best lines of all my shows. "Leave, before I arrest you for giving me a migraine." A

Hawaii 5-O- Scott Caan should be in every episode, if only so Steve can say "Book 'em Danno." Otherwise it was a totally forgettable one and done episode. C+

God Friended Me- I have no idea how this terrible show, with a terrible title, lasted a full season, let alone renewed for a second season. Spare yourself the wasted 42 minutes and do absolutely anything else. F+

NCIS:LA- "I love it when a plan comes together." Kensi Worth it if only for the A-Team reference. Also a pretty action packed episode. B

The Rookie- Quickly becoming one of my favorite shows. Nathan Fillion is amazing. It is also quickly going to make no sense if this old rookie doesn't  make detective in the next season. And his new training officer has got to go. I hate her.

Thanks for reading/following. Watch one of my shows and tell me your thoughts. I promise to get back to you sooner or later. Buenas noches.

-j

Spoilers

It's been a minute since I've posted, but with all of the sci-fi madness going on I had some thoughts about spoilers. Please, everyone stop complaining about spoilers. If you want to completely avoid spoilers, it's very simple, and totally impossible. Just turn off all of your internet compatible devices, your tv, and don't speak to anyone, until you've watched whatever it is you don't want spoiled. If you can't do that, do everyone a favor, and QUIT YOUR BITCHING!

That said, here are some spoilers. If you don't like it, go live under a rock, and stay there until, I don't know, forever.

#SpoilerAlert 

If your life has been ruined by spoilers, your life sucks. Start over.

1. Sam never leaps home. #QuantumLeap

2. He's dead the whole movie. #The6thSense

3. Gilligan and the castaways get home for 2 minutes and ge re-stranded. #GilligansIsland

4. It's Jack's dream. #Lost

5. Time travel and stuff. #Endgame

6. Kevin and Winnie don't end up together. #TheWonderYears

7. Vader is Luke's father, Leia is his sister, she has a kid with Han, the kid kills Han. #StarWars

8. It was all just about playing catch with his dad. #FieldOfDreams

9. I inherit the Iron Throne, black-a-Rican from Chicago. #GameOfThrones

10. Jesus dies, but comes back. #TheBible

Sorry I spoiled your life. Please feel free to never contact me about it. But, thank you for spending a minute reading my blog. Until next time, in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

-J

Designated Hitter

I didn't plan on making a blog post. But, a buddy tagged me on social media, I responded, and then decided my response was worth sharing. Follow Mike on twitter @procm2 or Mike Prochaska on FB.

 The reason you remember these great examples of pitchers hitting (Wood) is because it's anomalous. His career batting average is .171. So despite every dinger he got, he failed to get on base 1/5th of the time, and struck out a third of those. And he's one of the better hitting pitchers. 

I'm not totally on board for the DH in the NL. I think the league differences make the game more interesting. 

But if there has to be a change, only 2 things make sense. Eliminate the DH completely (never gonna happen), or integrate it into the NL.

But seriously, just leave it be.

That was my response to a friend's post. Now, you get my add-on thoughts about the DH.

It's called "specialization". It occurs in every profession. I am professionally a Stay at Home Dad, and a bartender. I also dabble as a homechef. My brother installs and repairs garage doors. My wife teaches high school English. My brother is not gonna quote Shakespeare. My wife is not gonna make a 'Moscow Mule'. And I, sure as shit, am not fixing anyone's garage.

In baseball, you don't expect your third baseman to pitch. Your catcher doesn't just jump in at shortstop.You sure don't burn a starting pitcher to start at second base or maybe outfield, though it happens in an emergency. If you might be a hundred pound slugger, be a DH. If you can throw a 100 mph fastball and a curverball that falls off the table, become a closer. If you can throw 200 pitches for strikes you're a starter. That's what they pay too much money to do. And it's hilarious when they're asked to step outside their lane. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v31OsQ3osWw

Side note, after that pitiful excuse for a Superbowl, I'm very happy that pitchers and catchers report to spring training tomorrow.

Mahalo, 

Jason

If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor

I never wanted to be an actor. In junior high school, and high school, you could most expediently find me on the basketball court, tennis court, the weight room, or the track. I actually thought that my 5'6", 130 lbs, black ass could play any professional sport. Obviously, I was delusional. After reality caught up with my athletic ambition I went back to the arts, joining show choir, theatre, and other artsy-fartsy stuff that would never earn a paycheck. That's when I remembered that English, Spanish, and Physics were the only classes I ever enjoyed. (I should have been a writer on Star Trek.)

So in college, I decided I wanted to be a writer. Clearly, I meant, "I like writing, I'm going into the service industry." I'm an unemployed bartender now. But I like to write fiction in my head, for instance, "If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor". So, since barely anyone is gonna read this anyway, and a good friend, chasing his dream, is in town from California, I thought I'd share my thoughts on "If I Ever Wanted to Be An Actor". Keep in mind, I'd rather be a writer than an actor, and I have no desire to be an actor. But, if I did, the following are 13 famous roles that would be absolutely perfect for me.

In no particular order:

-Jules Winnfield 

An angry, cursing, black dude? I can do that. "Say 'What' again, motherfucker."

-Willy Wonka

The Gene Wilder version, not the Depp version. The somersault at the the beginning, and the rant about Charlie cheating at the end. Both are very me.

-Daddy Warbucks

Long before the black version of Annie, I think I'd have given Jamie Foxx a run for his money. (I'm very arrogant.)

-Morpheus

Easy peasy. Hands behind my back, and use a deep version of my voice.

-Marty McFly

Skateboarding, wannabe rockstar. The only hard part would be re-casting every other character so that there are more black people. Or any black people (besides Mayor Wilson).

-Burton Guster

"Gus" from Psych had zero tolerance for white people nonsense. I could play that role by accident.

-Ironman

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." All I need is more smarts, more money, more money, and more money.

-Chandler

A sarcastic, asshole. I can do that.

-Doc Holliday
Drink first, smart-ass comment second, fastest pistol in the west third. Sounds like me, if I had a gun.

-Dre Johnson

I have to remind some of my friends that I'm Black and Puerto Rican. No joke, one of my closest friends through jr. high and high school thought I was Mexican until college.

-The Scarecrow

I'd never be as good as Michael Jackson in 'TheWiz', but I bet my "If I Only Had a Brain" would merit a high school TONY award.

-Vizzini
My favorite movie, and the most obnoxious character ever. My wife can attest to this one.

-Henry Hill
Goodfellas, "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." Thankfully, I know I'm not as smart as I think I am, and I'm not as stupid as Henry.

Honorable mention,
-Fred Sanford
Zero chill, zero filter, and prone to exaggeration.

What do you think? Can you think of any other characters I could portray? Comment below or text me.

Thanks for reading, and "If it wasn't for the Bronx this rap shit never would be going on."

-J